if you call for me, i'll run to you | a doug ross fanfiction

96.

96.
under control
March 20, 2000

"how's it fair that y/n gets to work a 11 to 7" malucci shouted
"maybe it's because she has a baby to take care of" i said, rolling my eyes.
"oh big deal" he replied
"try being a single mother, dave"
"dave, why don't you go find a patient to look after" mark said
"sorry about him"
"you know, nobody has a filter around here" i sighed, running a hand through my hair.
i turned around to see carter signing himself in.
"carter, you're back already?" i asked, surprised.
"i've been gone for a month" he smiled
i shook my head.
"welcome back is what i mean"
"how're you feeling?" i added
he shrugged, leaning on his crutches.
"take it easy today, okay"
i couldn't believe it was already the end of march. juliette was already four months old and spring had just arrived.
"y/n, you got a call from your nanny" carol said
daycare was closed due to the stomach flu so i hired a babysitter for the day. i guess it wasn't going that well...
"is it a high pitch cry or a low pitch cry?"
"okay, put the phone closer to her"
"alright, she needs her diaper changed"
"then just let her play on her stomach for awhile and after that put her down for a nap"
"no problem"
i hung up.
"everything okay?" carol asked
"she's being fussy with the new babysitter" i sighed
"stomach flus going around up in daycare and i don't want her to get sick"
"i bet there's nothing worse than a sick baby"
"there really isn't"
"especially a puking one"
——
"y/n, can you do some rounds for me?" mark asked, running to another patient.
"sure" i smiled
"alright, carter do you want to join us?" i asked
he shook his head.
"okay, chen, malucci and abby come with me"
i took all the charts in my hands and walked over to curtain three.
"malucci, you're gonna take this one, i believe it's some sort of boil"
"i already have this one" abby said
"okay" i nodded
i handed her the chart.
"and chen, you can have frank over here"
frank was a nurse in the hospital.
"how you doing y/n?" he smiled
"i'm doing good frank"
"nice to see you down here again"
he nodded his head.
"follow along" i said, heading out to the other curtain area.
"you know, i'll take one for the team and take our second boil over here" i smiled
"malucci here's diarrhea"
"abby, a lac"
"and chen, a cough"
"have fun" i smiled
malucci let out a groan.

"so mr. crane"
"i'm gonna have to drain this boil of yours"
"okay" he nodded
"i'm just gonna close this curtain to give you some privacy" i smiled
i took the needle and drained the boil. it was on his inner thigh.
a weird looking fluid came out of it.
"how lovely"
i put the needle into the waste jar.
"i'm gonna put a dressing on this but i want you to put warm compresses on it at home"
"that'll help it heal quicker" i smiled
"thanks dr. l/n"
i lifted a bandage off of the tray.
"it's my pleasure, mr. crane"
———
it was later that day.
late afternoon now.
"malucci what the hell are you eating?" i asked, scribbling into a chart.
"i was hungry and the only things that were in the lounge was a stale box of cereal and these jars of milk in the fridge"
"jars of milk?" carol asked, raising her eyebrows.
"jesus christ malucci" i scoffed, wide eyed.
that was a jar of breast milk i pumped earlier.
"what?" he shrugged
"you're drinking my breast milk" i said
"y/n" chuny shouted from down the hall.
a woman carried a baby.
"please help me doctor" the woman cried, passing me the girl.
i hurried down the hallway.
"she started having seizures"
"has she had any before?" i asked
she shook her head "no"
"por favor" the lady cried as i out the baby on the gurney.
"chuny can you bring mom to chairs"
i listened to her chest.
"okay, i got breath sounds" i said
"yosh, can you start her on some saline, she's dehydrated"
he nodded his head
"i'm gonna have to do an lp"

as i was doing the lp, mark came in the trauma room.
"you doing okay?" he asked
"yeah" i smiled, taking the needle out of the baby's back.
i turned her back on her back, stroking her hair.
"let me know if you need me" mark added, leaving the room.
i looked at the baby again, then at the chart.
"estrella" i smiled
"hey" i added, rubbing my thumb against her cheek.
i looked up.
"okay, chuny you can get mom back in here
"let me know when the labs on her come back" i smiled
"sure thing dr. l/n"
———
my shift was coming to an end when the babysitter called again.
my infant patient was doing alright, too.
"okay bring her ear to the phone" i sighed
"the world could show nothing to me, so what good would living do me?" i sang
"god only knows what i'd be without you"
"god only knows"
"god only knows what id be without you"
"that puts her to sleep?" carol asked
i nodded.
"alright, if she's still ansy just bring her over to the hospital" i whispered.
"y/n, we need you here now" mark shouted
i hung up the phone, running back to the trauma room.
"your baby's bp is gone"
"jesus" i groaned, putting on a pair of gloves.
"okay we need the defibrillator"
chuny pulled the crash cart toward the gurney, charging the peids defibrillator.
"charged"
"okay" i nodded
"clear"
nothing.
"charging again"
"clear"
nothing.
i looked over in the other room.
it was marks father in there.
"how were her labs?" carol asked, coming into the room.
chuny charged the fibs again.
"nothing indicating that this was going to happen"
but, i tried to revive the baby for another ten minutes.
she was gone.
"time of death, 6:12"
"want me to get the mother?" carol asked
i nodded, taking off my gloves.
"and run a tox screen"
"okay?" carol said in a confused tone.
"just an instinct"

the mother sat in the trauma room, holding onto her dead baby. i just felt so bad. for them both. that poor baby girl. that poor mother.
"y/n" carol whispered
i was watching her from outside the trauma room.
"the tox screen came back"
i turned my head to carol, she looked nervous.
"what is it?"
"it was positive for amphetamine"
my face went blank, i was honestly in disbelief. "oh, god" i groaned, heading back in the room.
i stood next to the woman, she looked up at me.
"we did something called a tox screen on your daughter" i said quietly.
"is there any drugs accessible in your home?" carol asked
"no, no, nobody i know does drugs"
she shook her head.
"we detected amphetamine in your daughters blood"
"are there any medicines or vi-"
the mother paused.
"oh god" she said, tears streaming down her eyes.
"what is it?" i said, putting my hand on her house her.
"i take these pills to stay awake sometimes"
i looked at carol
she shook her head "i never bring them home though, only at my work"
"are you breastfeeding her?" i asked
i myself, was starting to get emotional. as a first time mother, one who didn't speak much english like her. she didn't know that medication could get into breast milk.
god i felt so bad for her and that poor baby.
"i didn't mean to" she cried
"i didn't know"
"it's okay" i said, rubbing her back.
i shook my head "this isn't your fault"
i wiped a tear away from my face.
"carol?" i whispered,
"go ahead" she said
i walked down the hallway to the admit desk.
"you alright?" abby asked
"oh, yeah" i smiled
"hard case you know" i shrugged
"a mother accidentally killed her baby in there"
"she was taking pills to help her sleep and it got into the breast milk"
"oh my god"
"it just makes me so sad for her"
———
i collected myself once my baby had been dropped off at the hospital.
i gave her plenty of kisses of course.
"ba-ba-ba-ba" she babbled down the hallway.
"god she's getting big" carol said
"yeah, already starting to talk a little"
"i can tell" she smiled
"how's that mother doing?"
"she went home" carol sighed, putting her coat on.
"you have a good night, y/n" she nodded
"you too, carol"
i walked out of the lounge, swinging my diaper bag over my shoulder.
"you alright mark?"
"wanna get together and talk soon?" he nodded
"yeah, i can give you a call in the morning"
"thanks, i gotta take elizabeth home" he smiled
"goodnight" i waved, they both waved bacm
"and goodnight juliette" elizabeth smiled
"bu-bu-bu" she waved.

i turned the corner to see carter scribbling in charts. i know he was really overwhelmed, i could tell. he was trying to get into traumas, even though he wasn't ready. the ER was full of traumas today, but he only did scut work. that stuff doesn't feel rewarding.
"tough day, huh?"
he nodded
"i heard about that baby" he said
"yeah, as hard as it is sometimes, cases like that make me feel thankful"
"you know, to take my daughter home and fall asleep fortunate enough to know that won't be me" i smiled
he gave a smile, continuing to dictate charts.
"you know carter"
i paused
"i know you probably don't think anyone could ever relate to what your going through"
"i want you to know that all of us down here are here for you"
"this place has torn everyone apart in different ways" i laughed
"i've felt lonely, sad, angry, guilty"
"it seems like this past year, i've felt everything" i shrugged
"and i definitely don't know what it feels like to be in your position but i can at least relate a little bit"
he was silent
"i know everyone has their issues"
"i've seen it" he nodded
i swayed back and fourth, rocking juliette.
"carter, all i'm saying is i'm here for you"
"and i mean that"
he opened his mouth to say something but, paused.
"its definitely hard"
"i didn't even know if i was gonna make it through today"
"between the pain and what i'm feeling"
"i'm not even sure what that is" he laughed
"that's okay" i nodded
"take your time"
i shook my head.
"you don't need to rush yourself into traumas"
"you work in the ER in downtown chicago, those cases aren't uncommon"
"thank you, y/n"
i smiled
"you two have a good night"
"you too"

a/n: today was actually such a bad day. i'm so tired. and i'm sorry this is out a little later than usual, i had a lot of editing to do and really needed time to decompress from the day. like omg. regardless, i hope you enjoyed. there's only 4 more parts until the end!!
xx