if you call for me, i'll run to you | a doug ross fanfiction

97.

97.
match made in heaven
April 13, 2000

"come on honey, eat your rice cereal"
juliette was trying solids lately. the past week i'd been trying to wean her off of milk.
now, she was pretty much only drinking formula.
"she's a picky eater, huh?" luka smiled
"she usually loves this stuff"
"i don't know, it looks pretty unappetizing to me"
i let out a laugh
"my son used to love mashed up pears"
"you know, i haven't tried those yet" i smiled
"well, i'll see you in there" he said, leaving the diner.
i parked myself at doc magoos this morning. i needed some coffee.
"yeah, i better get little missy up to daycare" i said, tickling juliette.

i'd been working a lot lately. i even worked a night shift a couple days ago.
i was off for one day and all hell broke loose. kerry was suspended, cleo wasn't allowed to write prescriptions and romano was the temporary chief of the er. i also got a message on my phone from doug.
it went something like,
"y/n, it's doug"
"i've been thinking a lot lately"
then he let out a laugh
"i want you to move here to seattle with me"
"it's been a year since i've seen you and almost five months since you've had juliette"
"i need you, alright?"
beep
and i'd been thinking a lot about him lately too. i mean, a day hadn't gone by where i didn't think about him.
"you alright?" mark asked me.
i sat on a gurney in the hallway.
"my daughter deserves a father"
"pretty soon juliette's gonna be saying dada and i don't know what i'll do" i smiled
"doug didn't grow up with his dad around and i know that he wants to be present in his kids life"
i shrugged my shoulders
"he doesn't want her to experience what he went through"
"he's seen her lately, right?"
"he called me the other day asking how things were"
i paused
"he asked me to move with him again"
"i mean i sounded like he was practically begging me to say yes"
"what did you say?"
"i said nothing" i whispered
mark looked at me blankly
"wanna come over for coffee or a glass of wine later?" i asked
"you're drinking alcohol again?"
"soon"
"i almost got juliette fully on solids and formula"
he tilted his head.
"i'll pop by after my shift"
i nodded.
———
"y/n" malik shouted
i ran over to the trauma room, putting my gloves on.
"what do we got?"
"car vs car"
"potential spinal cord injury"
i nodded my head.
"alright on my count, slowly"
"1"
"2"
"3"
"alright cbc chem 7, you know"
"let's get him 5 of morphine and start a line of saline"
i listened to his chest.
"good breath sounds"
"mr. cowan, are you with me?"
"i can't feel my legs" he whispered
"okay"
"let's see"
i checked his reflux's, nothing
"okay i'm gonna take this tool" i said, holding it up
"can you let me know when you start to feel it"
it was up to his mid thigh when he told me he felt it.
"okay" i smiled
"let's get him to CT"
malik nodded his head as i put up the railings of his gurney.

"cowans CT results came back and showed a spinal cord injury"
"have you paged surgery?"
malik nodded.
"romano is in with him right now"
"okay"
i walked down the hall, into the room.
"dr. l/n, im gonna have to have surgery?"
i nodded my head.
"am i gonna be paralyzed forever?"
"unfortunately there's a possibility"
"but dr. romano and his surgical team are going to give you the best care"
"can you call my wife?"
"of course"
"i need you to sign this consent form" romano said, handing the man the paper.
i signed off on the chart as romano took him up.
"you're in good hands mr. cowan"
"why thank you, y/n" romano smiled.
i shook my head.
———
"take those antibiotics and you'll be good to go" i smiled
"thanks dr. l/n"
"take care" i waved
the day was finally coming to an end. i discharged five patients. all boring cases unfortunately.
"randy, did mr. cowans wife ever come by?" i asked, going around the admit desk.
"yeah she went up to the surgical floor about an hour ago"
"okay"
"i'll be right back to check on them"

i headed up to surgery and romano approached me.
"perfect timing, y/n"
"how'd it go?" i asked
"it's looking like he's going to have permanent paralysis"
i easier my eyebrows
"you're kidding"
romano shrugged
"it's still hard to tell right now but that's what i'm looking at"
"from the waist down"
"more or less" he nodded
"have you talked to the family?"
"not yet"
he motioned me to the recovery room and stood behind me.
"dr. l/n" mr. cowan said groggily
"i can't feel my legs still"
"i'm afraid your injury from the car accident was quite significant"
"what are you saying?" the wife asked
"well, right now it might be a little hard to tell"
"but, i don't think the feelings in your legs are going to come back"
"im very sorry mr and mrs cowan" romano chimed in.
"myself and the surgical team did there best to repair the damage to the spinal cord but-"
"so you're saying im gonna be paralyzed for the rest of my life?"
i nodded my head.
"oh my god" the wife cried
"i can take it from here" romano whispered
i nodded, stepping outside of the room.
another day in the er, another life i just ruined.
——
"signing out?" chuny asked
"yeah" i smiled
"she's getting so big"
malik and her sat next to each other looking at pictures of juliette in the lounge.
"i know"
"almost five months old"
"her eyes are turning brown"
"yeah" i smiled
"just a couple weeks ago they were this dark blue color"
"now they're kind of hazel" i smiled
"anyways you guys have a good night"
"you too"

i was back at home drying dishes from dinner when i heard a knock on the door.
"mark" i smiled, letting him in.
juliette was on her tummy, playing with a teddy bear. i picked her up and rocked her back and fourth.
"so, you left work early"
"yeah my dad was harassing his nurse"
"oh god" i cackled
"how is that anyways?"
we sat down on my couch.
"it's tough"
"you know, seeing your dad dying" he shrugged
"i just don't want him to die in hospice though"
"either way, it must be hard"
he nodded his head.
"for my whole life i never was that close with my dad"
"i just never understood him"
"and now you feel responsible?"
"yeah, i regret it all i guess"
"in some weird way i guess it's connected us" he laughed
"mark i hope you know i'm here to give you a hand if you need"
"i know, but you got your hands full"
"mark" i said, looking him in the eyes.
he nodded his head "i know, y/n"
i looked at my lap, then back up.
"do you want something to drink?"
"i have a beer in the fridge"
he smiled "how old is that?"
"couple of months"
"i bought it for my dad but my parents never made it down here"
"i won't let it go to waste" he shrugged
i nodded, getting the bottle from the fridge.
i put juliette in her bassinet near the couch.
"y/n, i hope i'm not the thing keeping you in chicago"
i stopped myself, putting my hand on the drive door.
"i'm really happy with elizabeth and you don't have to worry about me" he smiled, i turned around.
"i know that"
i smiled "and i'm happy for you"
"i just got a lot to really think about"
i paused, shrugging my shoulders.
"so i heard about your paralyzed patient"
"yeah" i sighed
"throughout my whole career it just had felt like i've ruined lives instead of saving them"
i handed him the bottle of beer, sitting back down.
"i think you're an amazing doctor"
"i don't know" i shrugged
"i think i'm a good doctor but i don't think i'll ever really become a great one"
he titled his head at me, giving me a confused look.
"i mean, i treat people and send them off"
"but i don't really think i change peoples lives"
"you're a hero mark, you change people's lives"
"and i don't know if i'll ever be like that" i smiled, shrugging.
"i'm too absorbed in my personal life to really do great things like that"

a/n: my original goal was to get this all finished up by february. it's february now, and i'm not done yet.. which, i'm okay with. but, i figured i'd post this one for you all. i might even post one on the weekend so the last part comes out monday. cheers, everyone.
xx