if you call for me, i'll run to you | a doug ross fanfiction

71.

71.
untitled
February 7, 1999

i couldnt fall asleep. it was morning now, but all i could think about was the moment doug left to the airport.

"i don't want you to go" i frowned
doug wrapped me in a hug.
"i'm never gonna love anyone ever again" i whispered against his skin.
"y/n, if you change your mind, i'll be waiting for you"
"i want to spend the rest on my life with you"
we pulled away.
"i love you"
he began tearing up
"i love you doug" i whispered
my throat was scratchy and my face was puffy from all my crying.
"i'll call you" he mouthed, getting into the taxi.

i got out of bed and went into the bathroom. it was so weird seeing my apartment so empty. i looked in the mirror at my bruised ribs and sutured up face. i looked a wreck. i was so paranoid. i kept checking over my shoulders. every sudden sound made me wonder if doug was gonna walk through the door. i was waiting for him to find convince me to go venture off with him. part of me regretted not tagging along. throughout my whole body, i felt a familiarity. i realized it was the same emptiness i felt a year ago and the last thing i wanted to do was to step foot in that hospital and pretend everything was okay. at the same time, a week has passed since doug left and i needed to get out of my house. it felt like i was going insane.
that's when my phone rang

"hello?"
"y/n"
"who's this?" i sighed
"randy, you have a meeting with anspaugh at 9:00"
i ran a hand through my tangled hair "okay?"
"see you then"
jesus.
it was 7:00.

i finished showering and began getting dressed.
i put on a pair of dress pants and a square neck, satin blouse.
i threw on my coat and headed out.

you know, i never once thought i'd be stepping in this hospital again.
"y/n, i missed you" malik said, reaching for a hug
"hey" i smiled
"had us worried sick" chuny smiled
"thought you'd left us" she said, hugging me
randy lifted my hand up
"so the rumours are true" she said, eyeing the diamond
i gave a smile, yet none of this felt real..

i sat down at anspaughs desk, kerry and mark stood behind him.
"we've come to a conclusion about your status here"
i nodded my head
"considering rhe circumstances, we're going to lift your suspension"
"thank you" i smiled
"you're doing to have to attend a disciplinary on thursdays and mark will co-sign off on your charts until we see progress" kerry said
"i understand"
"we hope nothing like this happens again"
"any last thoughts?"
"i'm deeply sorry dr. anspaugh"
he nodded
"you start in a half hour" kerry added

i went into the lounge and put on my lab coat.
"how're you doing?" mark asked
"me working here again is out of pity isn't it?"
"don't say that"
i raised an eyebrow "so, if i didn't get into that car accident, would i be here working again?"
"i would've got you back working, you know that"
"maybe this isn't a good time to talk about these things" he began to walk away
"mark im sorry"
he turned around
"y/n, you've gone through a lot. i understand"
"i can take your sutures out"
i followed him.

as mark took out my sutures, we were both silent. i didn't really know what to say. neither did he.
"i keep checking over my shoulder, it feels like doug might walk in any second"
"i just, i don't know"
mark was silent
"was he happy to leave?" i asked
"seemed like it, happy to leave chicago but not happy to leave you"
"he got teared up"
"he wanted you to come with him but knew why you didn't"
"are you still thinking about leaving?" mark added
"yeah"
"no,"
"i dont know" i shrugged
"it's just all so weird"
"well, take your time" he nodded
"y/n, mark, we got a trauma coming in" connie shouted
and there it is, my real life has to go on.