if you call for me, i'll run to you | a doug ross fanfiction

95.

95.
be patient
February 23, 2000

juliette woke up at five in the morning. i laid on the couch and cuddled with her for the past hour, hoping she'd go back to sleep. she didn't.
the other day was lucy's memorial.
it was heartbreaking.
the staff still wasn't used to her absence.
i among many others, felt horrible for not noticing sobreki sooner.

all bundled up, i headed to the er.
——
about a half an hour later carol came toward me.
"wanna help me do a couple pelvics?" she asked
"sure" i smiled
"two teenage girls having these sex parties at their catholic school"
"how old are they?" i asked, wide eyed
"no older than 16" she shrugged
"gosh" i scoffed
"apparently ciphulus is going around"
i walked into the exam room for the first girl, terri.
"hey terri, i'm dr. l/n" i smiled, putting my gloves on.
"i'll be doing your pelvic exam"
"okay" she nodded
"i'm just going to swab your cervix, okay?"
"it'll be quick" i smiled
she opened her legs and i swabbed her cervix.
"everything looks good" i told carol, handing her the swab.
"you can get dressed now, terri" carol smiled.
"wait here while we do andrea's" i nodded, going over to the next curtain.
"andrea" i smiled, putting on a fresh pair of gloves
"i'm dr. l/n"
"can you open your legs for us andrea?" carol asked
she did so.
"just like your friend over there, i'm gonna take a swab of your cervix, it's not gonna hurt"
i swabbed her.
"okay" i smiled
"i'll be right back, okay?"
she nodded her head.
"you can get dressed now, andrea" carol said
i motioned her to follow me out of the room.
"what is it?" she asked, closing the door behind her.
"terri looked fine" i nodded
"but i'd do a pap on andrea"
"is there something off?"
i nodded
"nothing alarmingly bad, but i'd get the test"
"just be sure"
"okay" she nodded
"and let me know when those labs come back"
"of course"

it was a little later that morning.
"dr. l/n" malucci said, motioning me to the admit desk.
"this is barbara knight" he added, looking down.
i raised my eyebrows.
"can you show me to the lounge?" she asked
"of course i can" i smiled
she followed me to the lounge, to lucy's locker.
"do you need the combination?" i asked
"that's alright, the medical school gave it to me" she whispered
she opened the locker and i suddenly felt lightheaded.
"im so sorry for your loss mrs. knight"
"lucy told me a lot about you" she smiled
she turned around, her eyes getting teary.
"i heard you were a wonderful mentor"
i smiled, tilting my head.
"she loved this place a lot"
"we loved having her here" i said
"i'll give you some privacy" i nodded
"thank you dr. l/n" she whispered
"i'm sorry, again" i nodded, closing the lounge door behind me.
———
i was signing a few charts, it was later that afternoon.
"andrea has cervical cancer" carol said
my eyes went wide "you're kidding?"
"i wish i was" she shrugged, handing me her labs.
i scanned them over.
cervical cancer was no lie.
"and i don't know if i should tell her parents or not"
i ran my hand through my hair.
"it's breaking confidentiality"
"i know"
"we don't know how many people this has spread to, though"
" you think we should treat it as a public health crisis?" i asked
"i mean, yeah"
"i could contact the school?"
i thought for a minute
"make them aware of this outbreak"
i nodded my head.
"yeah, contact the school"
"we can always talk to her and get to convince her to tell her parents, too"
carol nodded her head.
"i mean, we don't know how many of these girls have untested stds or cancer"
"it's crazy"
"let me know if you need any help" i nodded
"i'll update you later" she smiled
———
finally, the end of my shift was near. i was so exhausted.
"y/n" mark said, he looked white as a ghost.
"can i talk to you?" he added
i nodded, following him to the suturing room.
"what's up?" i asked, worried.
"my dad has lung cancer" he said
"oh my god" i gasped, wide eyed
"i'm so sorry, mark"
"i went up to go look at his chest films" he smiled
"i just needed someone to tell you know, to get that off my chest"
"anytime, mark"
"is there anything i can do to help?"
"well, i would ask you to come out with me and we could drown our sorrows out on some food but i gotta go bowling with elizabeth" he laughed
"we can arrange that sometime" i smiled
"if you need absolutely any help or anything, im here okay?" i said
"i'll give you a call, y/n" he nodded
"take care, okay?"
i rubbed my eyes. it must've been that time of year. when bad things just seemed to happen to everyone.
i walked out of the room and into the hallway.
"there you are, y/n" carol sighed
"what happened?" i asked, looking in the trauma room, wide eyed.
"well, i went and told the school about the situation and andrea overdosed" she said, running a hand through her hair.
"this night is just getting worse" i scoffed
"how's she doing?" i asked
"she's stable" she nodded
"she thought i told her parents"
earlier before andrea's discharge, carol and i tried to convince her to tell her parents. she wouldn't budge.
"don't beat yourself up about it"
"you did the right thing" i nodded
"you think so?"
"of course"
"i mean, these are children" i scoffed
"this type of thing shouldn't be happening"
carol nodded her head.
"and if there's any backlash about this, i'll take the fault, carol"
"atleast she'll get treated" carol smiled
"you did what was best for her health"
she looked at her watch.
"aren't you off?"
"yeah, i am"
"i have one more chart to do" i smiled
"i can stay around for the parents to come" i shrugged
"no, it's alright" she smiled
"i'm sure it'll all be fine"
———
i had one last stop to make.
i held juliette in one hand and in another, her baby carrier.
there carter sat in a wheelchair, reading a book.
he looked up and smiled at me.
"you know, it's crazy how many people come and visit you a day"
"i'm starting to feel famous" he laughed
"sorry" i shrugged
"did you go to lucy's memorial?" he asked
i nodded
"it was beautiful"
"it's still weird without both of you down in the ER"
i shook my head
"i'm sorry for what happened, carter"
he was silent
"how've you been?"
"as good as anyone who got stabbed with an eight inch knife can be"
he paused
"it's scary almost dying"
"you would know with your whole birth experience and all"
i nodded my head
"yeah"
"but at least i had this little one in the end of it" i said, bouncing juliette.
"is it normal to feel guilty?" he asked
"i don't know" i shrugged
"don't blame yourself, carter"
"there's so many other things and people to blame for this"
"including myself" i laughed
he looked up at me.
"you know, i lied to lucy's mom today"
"she asked me if it hurt being stabbed"
"i said no"
i nodded my head "i think that was a good choice"
"no mother wants to hear how painful her child's death was"
"i don't know" he shrugged
"carter, you're gonna get through this"
he smiled
"do you need help getting into bed?" i asked
he nodded.
i put juliette in her carrier and helped carter out of his wheelchair and into the bed.
juliette let out a cry.
"looks like you got a cranky baby"
"she's overtired" i said, rolling my eyes.
"that's what happens when you wake up at five in the morning" i smiled, lightly pinching her cheek.
"thank you, y/n"
"i'm always here, carter" i sighed