if you call for me, i'll run to you | a doug ross fanfiction

82.

82.
greene with envy
September 11, 1999

as of a couple days ago, i was officially diagnosed with prenatal depression.
my mom was in town, so a little bit of weight was lifted off of my shoulders. it took her a long time to accept the fact that the father of this baby wasn't present though. she knew about doug from stories i would tell her about in med school. i hadn't talked to her all that much in the past few years though. i tried to tell her it was my choice but she didn't believe me. i guess now she had a different opinion. or maybe she felt bad for me.
"mom, you don't have to drive me" i insisted
she made me breakfast, tied my shoes and cleaned my house for me.
"it's the least i can do for my pregnant daughter"
she raised her eyebrows "you look like you're about to pop"
"just about eight months" i sighed
i had to start wearing a belly band and dumb looking compression socks. i also never once thought i'd be wearing maternity scrubs either.
"come on" my mom said.
i followed her to the car.
of course, my mom didn't only come with just her, she also came with a bunch of baby stuff. a car seat, diapers, rattles. i was very thankful to say the least. still, her presence made me feel slightly dumb for getting in the situation i am. she made me feel ultra guilty for being stubborn.

i arrived at work and kerry approached me.
"i want the whole staff to wear these" she smiled, handing me a badge.
"what's this?" i groaned, looking at the lanyard that said some inspirational message on it.
"our new outlook" she grinned
i rolled my eyes, in my mind, not in front of her.
"also" she added, an unfamiliar face approaching us.
"our new attending, gabe lawrence"
"ahh" i smiled
"heard lots of good things about you"
he was from north western
"please to meet you-"
"y/n, l/n" i said, sticking out my hand for him to shake, which,  he did.
"the very pregnant attending" i laughed

it was about ten minutes later, the baby was kicking like crazy and i was out of breath. after just a couple steps, it felt like i needed to sit down.
that was until a trauma came in.
i walked into the room as fast as i could.
"gonna have to intubate" carter said
"what is this?" i asked, putting a pair of gloves on.
"gsw 16 year old male"
"okay, i'll intubate"
"pulse ox 92" corday said
i looked down his throat, it was full of blood. i suctioned.
finally, i was in.
"i'm in, bag him"
i listened to his chest again.
"good breath sounds bilaterally"
carter nodded
"i'll go while you get a chest film"
"let me know when he wakes"
i left the room.
————
a little later, the kid woke up.
carol called me over to the trauma room.
the cousin was also in the room.
"what do we got?" i said, out of breath
"taci at 160"
the alarms started beeping
"you should get him out of here" i said, pointing at the cousin.
"crit?"
the kid was motioning to the cousin.
he had a scared expression on his face and when the cousin came nearer, he started freaking out.
he's the one who shot him.
"oh my god" carol groaned
"call security" i told jeanie
the cousin bolted down the hallway and soon after, a shootout took place. carol and i stayed in the room, trying to stabilize the patient. a bullet went through the glass cabinet in the hallway, hitting the floor.
"jesus" i scoffed, putting my stethoscope around my neck.
then, a bullet shot through the trauma room.
carol pulled me into the suture room, we bent down in the corner.
"you okay?" she asked
"i'm okay, are you?"
she nodded her head.
"jesus"
the shooting continued
then it stopped.
"is it done?" i asked
she stood up and went back into the trauma room, nodding.
"he's stable now, too"
"good" i huffed, creeping back into the trauma room.

the rest of the afternoon consisted of a lot of suturing due to the glass wounds and lacs from the shootout.
the anxiety of the day began. i could see my hands starting to shake.
it was probably a multitude of things. the shootout, the fact that i needed to eat, and the fact that i was exhausted.
carol was in the same room, irrigating the lacs.
"you alright?"
"you're shaking" she added
"yeah" i sighed
"the anxiety has been really bad this last trimester"
"have you talked to your ob?"
"i was diagnosed with prenatal depression"
her eyes went wide "gosh, is there anything i can do?"
i shrugged
"just taking it day by day"
"thank you, though" i smiled
"my mom is in town, she's a really big help lately"
"that's really good"
we were silent, i continued suturing.
"so, how about you and kovac?" i hinted
she let out a laugh
"he's a really nice guy, y/n"
"oh i've seen you two" i smiled
she shook her head
"you like him?"
"i mean, yeah, i do"
she looked really happy.
"that's good carol"
"i'm glad"
————
my shift reached and end. i had to say goodbye to jeanie, who was eloping off with reggie. jeanie was definitely a role model. the hospital, kerry weaver, dragged her through so much dirt but she still came to work with a smile on her face. she stood up for herself and fought for respect. i feel like it was rare that people stood up to hierarchies like romano and kerry.
"y/n, i need you in here" connie shouted
i waddled over to the trauma room.
"who's this?" i asked, pointing to a woman in scrubs.
"a reporter"
"well, get her out of here"
she raised an eyebrow.
"ma'am the waiting room is down the hall, there's nothing to report in here"
"excuse me?"
"please leave, this is a trauma"
i put on my gloves and observed carter doing a thoracotomy.
"whats your name?"
"dr. l/n"
"i'll report on how you shouldn't be working here pregnant" she said, walking out.
i shook my head as peter came in the room.
we both walked him through it.
"good job, carter" i smiled

i took off my gloves and headed to the admit desk.
my mom was sitting there talking to lydia and mark.
"mom?" i asked
"i'm sorry honey, i accidentally came too early"
"it's alright"
i laughed
"mark, lydia, this is my mom"
"oh my gosh" mark smiled
"it's finally nice to meet you mrs. l/n"
she waved her hand in the air "oh i remember you from y/ns med school graduation"
"really?" he smiled
she nodded.
"anyways, ready to go sweetie?"
i smiled, nodding my head.
"have a goodnight everyone" i waved
"see you, y/n" mark smiled
we began walking off.
"so, how's your anxiety" my mom whispered
"mom" i smiled
"it's not gonna get better overnight"
"it's probably not going to get better in this place either"
"i have an appointment with the shrink next week"
"well, i have dinner prepared, we just gotta cook it"
"i appreciate you coming mom, it really has been a big help"
"it must be hard living on your own and taking care of yourself"
"i'm your mom, it's my job to take care of you"