if you call for me, i'll run to you | a doug ross fanfiction

75.

75.
power
April 17, 1999

dear doug,
i've rewritten this a million different times. as corny as it is, words can't describe how i'm feeling. i know we said we'd let each other be for awhile but i can't take it anymore. it takes so much out of me not to just write you a letter or phone you up. it's crazy not waking up next to you anymore and it's even crazier not working with you. i miss you doug. more than anything. if i could just give up my job and come home to you, trust me, i would. i hope you know that too.
jesus.
i have some important news to tell you and i didn't expect to be doing it this way. before i get to it i need you to promise me
something: don't respond. for the good of both of us. or at least let it sit awhile before you say anything. i'm pregnant. pregnant with your baby. i want you to know that i love you more than anyone in the world. county isn't the same without you and i'm sorry we ended the way we did. best wishes doug.
xx,
y/n

"did you read it?" i asked mark, we were walking along the lake just before our shift.
"yes i did"
it was finally spring, the sun was warm too. the birds were out chirping.
"well?"
"you definitely told him what you don't want"
"doug's gonna read that and give me his gut reaction in return"
"which is?"
"coming to me"
"is that bad?"
"no, but i don't know if that's what i want right now"
"what do you want?"
"i don't know" i smiled
"i think you should call him"
"i will mark"
he was silent.
"im almost done my first trimester" i said
i was surprised to say that myself.
"am i starting to show?"
he took a step back and looked at me
"a little"
"is it noticeable though?"
"no, it's just a little bump, like if you were bloated"
"good" i nodded
"you don't want staff to know?"
"well, i told important people like you and carol"
"i feel like people know somethings up though"
"i don't know" i sighed
—
i'd been working for an hour. it was a pretty slow day. i was so tired though.
i must've fallen asleep while doing charts because carter hit my shoulder to wake me up.
"i think you need a break" lucy frowned
"you know, i'm so hungry"
carter gave me a weird look.
the morning sickness died down thankfully but now i was craving sweets.

i was dealing with non critical patients all day. i tried my best to stay out of the way of traumas for the next while. i'm sure weaver and romano appreciated that too. i still didnt know where i stood with them. i'd been attending a disciplinary class every other week. they did nothing though. it was just a middle age low life monitoring me and making me read a textbook.
"mark, i need you to sign off on this"
"hold on"
i waited
"still doing that?" carter asked
"mhm"
"actions have consequences dr. l/n" romano smiled
"apparently not all people suffer those do they though?"
"feisty today" he laughed
"what're you doing down here?" mark asked, signing off on my chart
"didn't weaver fill you in, i'm covering down here for they day"
"great.." mark sighed
—
it was much later in the day when i caught myself napping again.
"how long was i in there?" i asked carol
"the power went off a couple times"
"so a long time?"
"i guess so" she laughed, walking off
i began faxing my letter to doug. i somehow found the fax number a couple of days ago.
"need help?" jerry asked
"no, it's kind of a private letter"
"just so you know, i'm not kerry weaver"
i laughed, feeding the paper through the machine.
that's when the power went off, the fax machine stopped.
"oh god" i groaned
i tried to pull the paper out but it wouldn't budge.
"y/n, here's a flashlight"
"oh my god, i have a lac that's been waiting on me"
"jerry, could you get my letter out for me?"
he nodded.
earlier, a patient upstairs had gotten raped by a fake radiology nurse. everyone was kind of frantic. i didn't work on the patient but carol told me to keep my eye out for a tall unfamiliar nurse with dark curlyish hair. that's what corday said he looked like.
i went into the suture room. there stood a nurse i'd never seen before. i shoun my flashlight on him.
"who are you?" i asked
"i'm a nurse from northwest, they called me over here to help out"
"i'm sorry, do you have some sort of id?"
he pointed to his badge
"i'm just irrigating this lac"
"he's doing a good job doctor"
"i'm so sorry" i smiled
"it's no worries"
"here's a flashlight"
"i'm sure you know about what's happening today" i smiled
"i definitely have"
then the backup life packs died.
"y/n, need you to bag these patients" carol
yelled
i ran over to curtain three and was bagging two elderly patients at the same time.
now we just wait..
—
about an hour passed of bagging different patients, the power was finally on.
i looked at the fax machine, my letter was gone.
"looking for this?" jerry asked, handing me a envelope. reese was on his back
"yes"
"did you?-"
"no, you said it was personal"
i smiled
"hey reese" i smiled, stroking his hair, jerry was carrying him while benton worked.
he was the cutest little baby i'd ever seen.
"chicken wing?" kerry offered
"oh my god, you're a saviour" i exclaimed, biting into one
"god these are delicious" i groaned
then carter came behind me
i scrunched my nose up "what's that smell?"
"carter, get away from me!"
"spilt love potions all over me" he said, rolling his eyes
"i don't want to know"
i didn't want to know, i just needed him to go.
the spring rain was still pouring however, i had an infamous disciplinary to attend.