if you call for me, i'll run to you | a doug ross fanfiction

84.

84.
truth and consequences
October 28, 1999

i waddled around the er like i was a penguin. my ankles were blown up like a balloon and my fingers were like sausages. not even five feet i would walk and i'd be completely out of breath. my engagement ring sat on my dresser for the meantime, too.
and the baby, gosh she was active. wouldn't stop kicking all day and all night.  i guess this is all what you get for being nine months pregnant.
carol passed by me, she looked angry.
"you alright?" i asked
"megan is on drugs" she sighed
"the pregnant lady?"
"yes" carol huffed
"jesus christ" i scoffed, my hands on my hips.
"im trying to get her into a detox center"
carol added, beginning to walk away.
"let me know how it goes" i shouted, continuing to make my way down the hall.
"so, when are you due?" lawrence asked
"a couple weeks, actually"
"i'm sure you and your husband will be very happy with a new member of the family" he smiled
"husband" i repeated
"well, it's actually a little more complicated than that" i laughed
"i'm sorry"
"no need to worry"
"i'm very excited for her to arrive"
"about that dr. l/n" randy said
"you've got a message from some doctor upstairs, he wants to take you on a date" she smirked, handing me the phone.
i didn't give it a thought. instead, i hung up.
randy let out a laugh.
"can i ask you something?" malucci said, leaning over the admit desk.
"what?" i sighed
"are you ever gonna go move with your baby daddy?"
"leave me alone, malucci" i groaned, storming off in the other direction.
———
it was later that day, i had cooled off and my hormones had settled down. i'd also gone pee about every ten minutes. connie warned me about this a couple months ago. unfortunately, i was at that stage and the baby was using my bladder as a trampoline.
a major, multi trauma had come in though, so there was no time to worry about peeing my pants
i had a girl come in with a big lac.
i listened to her chest with my stethoscope.
"she's a little wheezy, let's give her 100% oxygen"
"malik, you're good to irrigate that"
"i'll be right back"
he nodded his head, reaching for the gauze.
i went into the hallway, grabbing a new pair of gloves.
"dr. l/n, should i wait to give pain medication until i get the head ct?" finch asked, attending to her patient.
"just to be sure, wait until the ct"
carter asked me a question next.
"were his pupils reactive?"
"yes"
i shook my head.
"then no"
"that's what i thought" 
i went back over to my other patient.
"she's dehydrated, can i give her fluids?" malik asked
"yes"
"do we want a ct?" he added
"hold on for that"
i looked at her eyes and did a neurological exam.
"pupils were equal and reactive"
"she's okay"
i injected lidocaine in the site, beginning to do the sutures.

after three other burns and lacs, i was starting to finish up.
i heard that lawrence had a bit of a fit in one of the traumas earlier. obviously something was going around in the air because then, i walked out into the hallway and lucy was yelling at carol.
"you're a nurse, you shouldn't be doing that" lucy shouted
"hey, hey" i shouted
"my patients detox spot was given up for her pregnant addict"
"lucy, you're a med student, carol is one of our senior nurses, you shouldn't be talking to her like that"
"obviously psych was down and thought the spot belonged to the pregnant patient more"
"you're only saying that because she was your patient too"
"lucy i get you're upset but ultimately its not-"
"it's so unfair" lucy huffed
carol patted my shoulder
"i'm sorry about that" i frowned
———
and as i thought the er was cooling down, i passed by curtain three, to carter getting attacked.
"jesus christ" i scoffed
i ran in the room, trying to tear the two bodies apart
"y/n, your pregnant, back away" he shouted
"sir, get off of him" i shouted, grabbing carters lab coat.
carter shoved him onto the floor.
as carter got up, i could tell something wasn't quite right about that man.
i bent down over him.
i couldn't get a pulse
"carter, he's not breathing"
chuny and carter moved him on the gurney
"i'll intubate" carter said
he began blowing up like a balloon
"oh god" carter groaned
"i hit his throat"
i nodded my head
"alright, let's set up for a treik"
then, i put my gloves on.
"is he gonna be okay?" a kid beside us asked
"what do i do with the tube?"
"take it out carter, it's useless"
"okay, ten blade"
i made the incision, and slid the tube down his throat.
"alright, i'm in"
"heart rates back up"
"im sorry dr. l/n"
i took off my gloves.
"it's alright" i panted
"he's okay now"
"and we have our witnesses"

i was just about to be off. i sat in the empty sutures room, scribbling in my charts. between the pregnancy hormones and the prenatal depression, i found myself just sitting there, thinking. i felt so many feelings today. today tired me out, too. i was stressed out, too. i hadn't heard from doug in over a month, that probably added to it too. i don't know, i was just so done.
the door peered open and a silhouette appeared.
"you alright?" a voice asked, it was carter
i shook my head, letting out a laugh.
"just thinking i guess"
"trying to do my charts" i yawned
"you've been all over today"
he sat down near me.
"i've answered a million questions, and everywhere i look there seems to be some sort of chaos" i smiled
"i'm trying to stay out of it for the meantime"
"it's all exhausting" i laughed
"i know what you mean" he smiled
"i'm sorry about that guy"
"it's not you're fault, you were just defending yourself"
i rolled my eyes "try explaining that to romano, though"
we were silent for awhile. i continued dictating my charts.
"i think you're a strong woman" he said, that comment caught me off guard.
"and i think the whole hospital can agree to that"
i raised an eyebrow.
"really?"
"working while pregnant must be hard"
"but you're doing as much, if not more than everyone else here"
i titled my head
"i mean, i don't know many people who'd really be able to go though what you're going through either"
i smiled
"really" he added
"some days i wonder how i've been able to do it"
"i don't particularly enjoy being blown up like a balloon" i whispered
i paused
"thank you, carter" i smiled
"i appreciate that"
he got up.
"thanks for earlier"
i nodded my head "have a good night"

a few minutes later, after finishing my charts, i headed out to the admit desk, letting out another yawn. romano stood there, reading a chart.
"dr. l/n" he smiled
"you look like hell"
i ran a hand through my hair.
"so, i heard about what happened"
"i was just defending a coworker robert"
"thankfully, you're not carrying the blame"
"because you didn't blown someone in the throat"
"that's carter"
"however, i suggest you and carter give your heart felt apologizes to the family"
"there may or may not be a meeting for this"
"not gonna cut some slack for the pregnant lady?"
"who knows, you might pop before we get a chance" he smirked
"you look like you need to get some sleep"
"tell me about it"
i rolled my eyes, heading off to give an apology.
———
i was finally walking off when mark came behind me.
"you've been busy" he smiled
"i've hardly seen you"
"tell me about it"
"i'm running around like a chicken with its head cut off"
"how're you feeling lately?"
"swollen" i smiled
"well that's better than last time i talked to you"
i was silent, we continued walking.
"i have prenatal depression mark"
he raised his eyebrows
"i don't know" i smiled
"all of this doesn't feel real"
"you mean, doug?"
i shrugged my shoulders "i mean everything, mostly doug"
"also the fact that i am going to raise a whole human being soon"
"i think i'm just tired of missing doug, mark" 
"with all these hormones, it kinda feels like im going crazy" i laughed
"i haven't been a good friend to you lately, either"
"yeah, you have"
"i haven't" i smiled
"i hardly reach out to you anymore"
"i understand" he nodded
i smiled "but, i don't want it to be like that"
"you are one of my biggest supporters right now"
"i don't know why i'm blocking everybody out"