if you call for me, i'll run to you | a doug ross fanfiction

42.

42.
do you see what i see?
December 24, 1997

i walked into the er. christmas eve...
for once i actually had a tolerable shift. 10 till 6. perfect time to make it to church.
"merry christmas y/n"
"merry christmas haleh"
"heading off?"
"yeah" she smiled
"well, i hope you have a very merry christmas"
"you too"

i was only there for an hour and the er was a zoo. as per usual. although today, the er flooded with blind and disabled people, wanting to get benton's christmas touch.
"i think i want some of this magic christmas touch you have"
"popular doctor today?" i added
"don't tell me about it" he laughed
"how's reece doing?"
"he's very loud"
"i'm sure he's a joy"
"fatherhood is pretty cool"
"yeah, enjoy it while it lasts" i smiled
"what's that supposed to mean?"
"before you know it reece will be all grown up"
benton shook his head.

"mr shook, what do you have here?"
"my daughters turtle bit me"
"is it a big turtle?"
"yes, snapping turtle"
"i didn't know those were pets"
"chuny can we get an x-ray for his wrist?"
"this is pretty nasty"
i injected the lidocaine near the wound. it was pretty deep. can't say i've ever seen a snapping turtle bite or any bite this big.
"alright mr shook i'll be back when your films are back, just to make sure your actual wrist is okay"

"oh, gamma this is dr. l/n" carter said, stopping me in the hallway.
carter and carol were giving carters grandma a tour of the er.
"it's a pleasure to meet you"
i shook her hand
"it is my understanding that you got my grandson out of some mischief"
"oh, yes i did" i smiled
"we thank you deeply for that"
"of course, it's no worries at all"
"anyhow, nice to see you"
"you as well mrs carter"

my films came back on my snapping turtle patient, no worries with his wrist.
i finished suturing him up and put a dressing on his hand.
"alright mr shook, it looks like you're free to go"
"just don't get into any other altercations with your turtle, keep the dressing dry for a couple days and come back in a couple weeks to get the sutures removed"
"merry christmas dr. l/n"
"merry christmas" i smiled

and just like that my shift was almost over, that's what it feels like when you work a day shift.
it was about quarter after 5, the annual potluck would be starting soon. i made myself a lot of coffee in the lounge. doug arrived for his shift.
"y/n, you know, it's christmas" he started
"what do you want, doug?"
"i have a night shift, 5 till 1, it would be a christmas miracle if you could cover for me" he smiled
here we go..
"what do i get out of it" i asked
"well, i gotta think about that one"
"i have a church mass i need to go to at 6"
"leave whenever you want, when will you be back?"
"around 7"
"can you cover for me?" he tilted his head
"yeah, yeah, whatever"
"it's not like i have anything going on anyways" i sighed
"that's not very cheerful"
"it's true" i sing songed, walking out to the admit desk.
i began finishing my charts.

i wrapped a scarf around my neck, everyone was gathered around the admit desk for the potluck, christmas music filled the er
"signing out?" randy asked
"i'll be back in an hour" i said, rolling my eyes.
"merry christmas dr. l/n"
i shot her a smile
"merry christmas randy"
"hold on everyone, we have an announcement to make" carol said, pulling doug along with her.
i stopped and turned around, leaning on the desk.
"well, i just wanted to mention that doug and i are seeing each other again"
doug shot a look at me.
everyone in the whole hospital knew that they were getting closer. i guess part of me was still in denial, still thought that there was hope. as stupid as that sounds. i knew he wanted to spend christmas with carol when he asked me to cover for me.
"you better do it right this time, doug" haleh smiled
"oh i will" he laughed
"yeah, maybe he'll even want to marry me" carol shrugged
ouch.
everyone was congratulating them.
"oh, they're just perfect for each other" connie said to haleh,
"dr. l/n?" randy asked, waving her hand in front of my face.
"sorry, blanked out for a second" i smiled
then, carol came around and back into the lounge.
"congratulations carol"
"im happy for you two" i said, stopping her
"merry christmas y/n" she grinned
"and, thanks for covering for doug"
i nodded.

i walked out of the er and zipped up my coat since it was snowing.
the past few months had been really tough for me. i knew i was overworking myself but i guess that's just how i digested the stress. i knew that probably wasn't the best thing for me though. i'd been drinking almost every night, just so i could fall asleep and somehow wake up and do it all again in the morning. i was actually really sad to be spending christmas alone too. all these years i've just had myself. i was especially sad to be spending christmas in an empty county hospital but, lately the er was all i really had. maybe that wouldn't be a bad thing if the hospital was how it used to be. the er didn't feel like a family anymore, i didn't really have anyone. mark was busy, doug was with carol. yes, i am jealous. if you asked me a year or two ago, if i thought douglas ross of all people would have such an impact on me, i'd say you're crazy. but now, i feel so empty. in some ways i feel lost. and especially now, it felt like i was experiencing the greatest loss of all.