if you call for me, i'll run to you | a doug ross fanfiction

76.

76.
responsible parties
May 12, 1999

i looked in the mirror of the hospital bathroom, this belly was beginning to get hard to hide. especially since it was only getting warmer outside. i wore a tight tank top with a short sleeve cardigan, the bottom few buttons were done up. along with my lab coat, i tried to keep my arms crossed over my stomach.
and i finally faxed my letter to doug. i found a number to call as well.
"you've reached dr. ross"
beep
"hey doug, it's y/n, i just faxed you a letter and it's really important so please read it when you get it"
i paused
"but take some time before you get back to me"
"i love you" i mumbled before hanging up.

"i'm dr. l/n"
"ms jamison?"
she nodded
"you believe there's a cockroach in your ear?"
"yes"
"okay, i'm gonna take a look"
i looked inside the lady's ear, sure enough, there was a roach in there.
"im just irrigating it now"
"i want that thing dead"
"after i flush it out, that should do the trick"
"i still feel it" she complained
i took another look.
"stay very still"
i took the clamp and fished out the cockroach.
"there it is"
i put it in the hazard bin.
—
it was now later that night, a trauma came in. i ran into the room but at the same time the x rays were being taken.
"oh god" i groaned
"did that just happen?"
kerry nodded
i ran my hand through my hair "i can't be in here"
"don't worry y/n, it didn't capture you" kerry reassured
she shook her head, confused "the x-rays turned out fine"

then about a half an hour later, i had an hiv positive patient come in.
"i have cmv" she groaned
"roll her" malik said
"cmv?"
"yeah"
she puked all over the floor.
"i'll be right back"
i ran over to the other trauma room and got carol.
"carol can you get mark to take over my patient in curtain three, she's got cmv"
"of course " she said, taking the chart.
it seemed like everywhere i looked, there was things i couldn't be around. i was trapped.
"y/n?" weaver shouted, following me to the lounge.
i took a seat, and began filling in charts,
a few minutes later she came back in.
"you're pregnant" she said
"who told you?" i asked, raising my eyebrows.
"it wasn't hard to found out between the x rays and your cmv patient"
i smiled
"i'm sorry about that"
"don't be"
"how far along are you?"
i stood up and unbuttoned my cardigan
"just about 15 weeks"
"wow" she smiled, surprised
"you're past the first trimester so the risk of exposure is low"
i nodded my head
"congratulations"
"thank you"
"and if you're ever uncomfortable to do a procedure don't worry about it"
"i've tried to stay away from traumas" i laughed
she began walking away
"wait, do you mind signing off on these?"
"don't worry about it y/n, i talked to disciplinary last night"
"you don't need to do that anymore"
"thank you kerry" i grinned
—
i was getting ready to go home, it was getting late and i wanted to sit down.
"wait, dr. l/n" randy said
i turned around to see her holding the phone in the air.
"it's doug"
she handed me the phone when i got to the desk. my heart dropped.
"i'll take it in the lounge"
i walked over to the lounge feeling sick to my stomach.
"hello?" i said, my voice shaky.
"y/n" doug said
just the sound of his voice sent chills down my body.
"i'm guessing you got my letter"
"you're pregnant"
"doug"
"y/n, i will put seattle on pause until you have the baby"
"doug i don't want you to do that"
i started getting teary.
"why not?"
"i love you and i want to be a father to my baby"
"i don't want that to be the reason you come back to me though"
he was silent
my shirt was beginning to get soaked in tears.
"i'm not the same person when i'm without you doug, i can't even function properly"
i took a second to catch my breath
"god, ive had this conversation in my head with you about a million times"
"you'll be mad at me if i come back to you and you'll be mad at me if i don't" he said
"doug-"
"i'm damned if i do and i'm damned if i don't"
we were silent for a couple minutes but i couldn't control my crying.
"y/n, i'll respect your wishes and not come but"
"i'm one call away, if you change your mind, i'm on the first flight out"
"i love you" he added
"i love you"

i cried for atleast a half an hour in the lounge. lying against the dirty lockers in the dark. that was what my life had come to.
mark opened the door.
"mark" i groaned
"he's not coming?" he asked
"no"
"you wanted it that way, right?"
"i don't know"
"i told him that i didn't want this baby to be the only reason why he came back for me"
"i wouldn't be able to live knowing that"
"do you think that's the truth?"
"i don't know"
"part of me wants to believe he really does love me but at the same time if he did, why would he leave me"
"i guess you can't have your cake and eat i too" i laughed
"i'll tell you one thing, doug loved you, more than anything"
"him leaving you was a hard decision, he didn't want to make it"
i didn't say anything.
"now come on, let's go get a milkshake"
"i'm not third wheeling you and elizabeth"
"i had to do it for years"
"you owe me" he smiled
"are you paying" i groaned
"of course" he said, opening the lounge door.