if you call for me, i'll run to you | a doug ross fanfiction

86.

86.
humpty dumpty
November 17, 1999

i finally listened to the most recent messages doug left for me. i didn't know why i didn't give him a call back yet. it was just so close to the birth and i didn't know what to do or what to even say.
"y/n, you're nine months pregnant today, give me a call back"
"i'm starting to think you're either dead or moved away"
and the last one.
"y/n i meant it when i said i'd always love you, i miss you, okay?"
beep.
i found myself crying.
it felt like that's all i've been doing lately. just hearing those words brought some comfort to me. i wanted nothing more than to just be held by him and to tell him how much i loved and missed him.
i waddled over to the bathroom and looked in the mirror, my cheeks were fuller. thick, dark bags appeared under my eyes. i hadn't slept much through the night the past couple days. the baby used that time to jump on my bladder. i also stayed awake just thinking about my future. my last days of being just a girl, not a mother yet.
about a week ago, i went to my shrink again. she was really surprised to see me walk in the door with a huge watermelon belly. i don't know. i don't think any of it helped anyways. it was the same thing it always is. try to move on or go see him. lately i had been really contemplating moving to seattle. it wasn't just because of the baby. in fact, i think if i didnt end up getting pregnant, i'd probably be in seattle a long time ago. it all felt so stupid recently. i mean, the realization that this is my life. and i'm choosing for it to be like this.

i blew out my hair, curling in the ends. for the most part, i enjoyed being pregnant. people treated you more delicately. not that i needed coddling. recently, i've felt my best, and for once, i didn't feel like a total hippo. but then again, i was tired of wearing these maternity scrubs and feeling so, large.
———
i waddled off the l and down the stairs. an elderly man offered me a hand.
"thank you so much" i smiled as we stepped down the last step
"oh, no need to thank me" he reassured
"have a good day" i smiled
"you too" he waved
i put a hand on the bottom of my belly, she was moving and it was starting to hurt my pelvic bone. i went to the ob yesterday and she said she was moving in a downward position perfectly. let me tell you, it certainly feels like it.
"you look so pretty today" chuny smiled as i walked into the er.
"i tried to out myself together for once"
"tired of feeling like humpty dumpty" i frowned
"thanks for helping out the desk" kerry smiled
"there's not much else i can do" i shrugged
"oh, let's get a stool for you"
"remember, elevating your feet will take away some of your swelling"
kerry slid a stool under my feet
i smiled "thank you so much"
you see, this is what i mean by people treating you delicately. for goodness sake, you'd think i was a porcelain doll.
as i peeled an orange, the phone began to ring.
"er?"
no answer.
mandarin oranges and ginger ale was about the only things i could really eat lately. weird combo, though.
i turned around, kovac was back.
"luka, you're back" i greeted
"kerry called me in"
he looked at my belly
"you look very pregnant"
"i'm a couple weeks i won't" i smiled
"glad to have you back"
he nodded his head, picking up a chart.

not too long later, a lady came in looking for carol.
"carols a little busy with a few patients right now"
"can i pass on a message?"
i took out a piece of paper.
the lady looked at her watch and back up at me.
"meg wants to see her pretty badly"
i tilted my head "meg?"
"the pregnant lady?" i asked
"yeah, you know her?"
"not really, i gave her an exam once"
"anyways, she's up in the jail ward, be sure to tell her soon because the social worker is gonna come later"
"alright, i will pass that message on" i smiled
"thank you"
———
the rest of the morning was pretty uneventful. i sat drinking my ginger ale and peeling my oranges
"interesting choice" mark said
"it's the only things i've really craved lately"
"is that all your eating?" he asked
i raised my eyebrows "no"
"for breakfast i had a piece of toast with a scrambled egg"
"i thought you didn't like eggs"
"well i'm trying to like them"
"how're you feeling lately?"
"you seem to be happy"
"i think i've hit peak pregnancy"
i waved my hand in the air "but, i'm tired, my brain is all foggy"
"anything else?"
"no, i'm feeling pretty big and useless" i smiled
the phone rang again
"you're not useless" he smiled
i rolled my eyes, reaching for the phone.
"we can talk later if you want"
"can we talk about you instead of me?" i smirked 
"sure" he smiled
"er, can you hold for a minute?" i said, picking up the phone.
i held it against my chest.
"oh, carol" i said, turning my stool to the side.
she turned around
"meg wants to see you up in the jail ward, the lady said it was pretty urgent"
"oh god" carol groaned
"i'll think about it" she added
"thanks, y/n"
———
it was much later in the day now, lots of phone calls about labs and blood.
there was a trauma, really sad though. rapist and rape victim. the victim unfortunately died.
dr. finch came around the desk, i was scribbling in charts kerry told me to dictate.
"did labs come back on my drug patient?"
i dug around for the piece of paper.
"yes, his tox screen was normal but his liver enzyme's were not"
"want me to add a blood alcohol on it?" i asked
"please" she smiled
i got up to the phone and got really dizzy, it happened a lot. i thought it was nothing to worry about. just lack of blood circulation since i was assigned to this stool.
"lay her on the ground" dr. finch said to malucci.
"you alright, y/n?" malucci asked
for once, i could tell he actually cared about something.
"you guys, i'm fine" i groaned
"i just got a little dizzy"
"she's hypoxic" malucci said
"okay, we're putting you and the baby on a monitor" finch smiled
on one side of me held on malucci and the other finch as we waddled down the hallway.

ob came down not too long after.
and i was on the monitor..
"is the baby okay?" mark asked
"yeah, the baby is perfectly healthy, in a great position" the ob doctor smiled
"however, you y/n, need rest"
"go home, take some time off" she added
"bed rest?" i groaned
i raised my eyebrows "for a whole two weeks"
"you're a doctor y/n, you know you can't be doing so much"
"well, i don't want to be doing nothing"
"i'm sure kerry weaver can find some scut work for you to do at home" mark teased
"have a good day y/n" the ob smiled, leaving the exam room.
i let out a groan.
"you know, i was pretty happy until this moment"
"doctors orders" mark smiled
mark took the baby monitor off my belly and i rolled down my shirt. he put on my maternity scrubs for me.
"thanks, mark"
"i guess i'll have to post pone our talk"
"yeah, my dads coming in for thanksgiving anyways" he sighed
"really?"
"he should be here but i guess he took a later flight"
"that's exciting"
"i guess so" mark shrugged
"you could always join us if you want"
"depends how pregnant i am when the next couple days" i laughed
——
i was sitting at the admit desk, on my last chart. it was about a half an hour later.
"what're you still doing here?" mark asked
"i have this last chart to do and i'll go home"
"i can do it" he offered
"hold on"
i kept scribbling into it.
"i'm done" i smiled, setting my pen down.
i got up, off my chair.
"i'll see you-"
"i don't know when" i shrugged
"you might be a non-pregnant lady the next time i see you" he said
i smiled
"i'll call you" i said, waving to him.
"rest up" he smirked
"i will" i cackled

i went against doctors orders. on the way home i stopped at a store to get a few baby onesies. i had tons of blankets, diapers, bottles and stuff like that, but a baby grows so fast and half the clothes i have won't even fit her. my mom brought a big bin of my old clothes but it was better to be safe than sorry, right? that and i really wasn't looking forward to being bedridden for two whole weeks.
browsing through that baby store made me excited, actually. picking out tiny little socks and things felt so cute. i was so excited for this little girl to be here.
not too later, i arrived home and took off my scrubs. i started cooking a pot of soup and listened to the messages on my phone.
a telemarketer, wrong number
and none from doug.