if you call for me, i'll run to you | a doug ross fanfiction

39.

39. /// untitled

November 13, 1997

for the past few days i'd been working my ass off. don't get me wrong, it had been that way for months but ever since i had to cover for not only doug but also mark now. i was really overworked.
i looked at myself in the mirror, i couldn't even recognize the reflection. there were dark bags under my eyes and my skin was pale.
i hadn't gotten a good sleep or a good meal in weeks. in all honesty, it wasn't just from being overworked, for the past few months i'd been really depressed. it was dragging me down. i had no motivation to get into work everyday, to eat or even take care of myself. the only reason why i was overworking myself was in hopes of turning my depressive mood around.
and look how that was doing.
not well.
i'm a selfish person. i'm selfish for being jealous of carol and doug. they weren't official and i don't even know if they actually are seeing each other. you could tell though. you could see there's something there in between them. i'm the one who broke it off with him anyways. i felt stupid for being so hung up on him. that was how i felt though and for months i've tried to not feel that way but i don't know how not to.

a/n:
i'm actually screaming, crying and vomiting right now because they took ER off of prime?!!! i was on my third watch and on season 11 episode 22. i'm actually so heartbroken it's not even funny.