if you call for me, i'll run to you | a doug ross fanfiction

81.

81.
last rites
August 13, 1999

i got up and headed to my ob appointment. the new symptom i developed the past week was major anxiety. i usually was a somewhat anxious person but lately it felt like i was in a downward spiral. my mood swings had been worse, one minute i was happy and the next minute i found myself crying or becoming hostile.
my mind wouldn't stop.
i knew it was normal to overthink, especially when pregnant, but i couldn't catch a break. it was constantly, what if i'm not a good parent? what if my daughter doesn't have a father? what if something tragic happens to my baby during birth? what if something happens to me during the birth?
all this and i didn't have doug by my side to help me. i chose it to be that way though.
there we go, i found myself crying again.
i quickly wiped my tears away and got on the l.

"y/n, you need to start eating better" my doctor sighed, sitting on a stool.
"i know, doctor"
i threw a hand up in the air "i just can't keep anything down"
she tilted her head "how are your symptoms?"
"pretty extreme lately" i smiled
"my mind is racing and i'm having frequent mood swings"
"one minute i want to kill soemone, the next i'm crying"
"i know that's normal with all the hormone changes" i added, nodding
"well, keep monitoring your symptoms, if they keep going or worsen tell me during our next appointment"
"sounds like you may have some prenatal depression"
"which i'm sure you know is common"
i nodded my head.
"otherwise, you and your baby girl are looking great" she smiled
that made me feel a lot better.

as i walked into the ER, i saw mark going in for his shift too.
"mark" i shouted, he turned around
"how're you doing?" i added
he shrugged
"didn't expect you to be back so soon"
"well, i asked my dad if he wanted me to stay, but he said no"
"wanna get some coffee and talk later?" i asked
"sure, when're you off?"
"im on all day"  i sighed
"me too"
"you grew" he smiled, pointing to my bump.
"thanks" i groaned
"can't even find anything to wear anymore"
i had another tank top stretched over my belly, the seams were just waiting to bust.
"i might have to go and find some maternity scrubs"
mark let out a laugh, walking toward the admit desk.
i went into the lounge and put my lab coat on.
"who's this one with the big belly?" an unfamiliar voice said
"that would be dr. l/n?" lucy said
"big belly?" i asked, raising an eyebrow
"seems fitting"
"dave malucci" he said
"you're a doctor?" i asked
he nodded.
"and it's a pregnant belly, not a big one"
i began walking away.
"she seems like a bitch" i heard him say
i turned around
"i don't know dave, i wouldnt mess with her" carter warned.
i shook my head.
—————
"so? you fell into a china cabinet?"
i was pulling glass out of a teenage boys shoulder.
"my friend and i were wrestling and i rolled into it" he shrugged.
the friend stood next to him.
"dude it was sick" he grinned
"my grandmas gonna kill me!" the kid yelled
"try not to move" i said
i irrigated the wound, making the kid wince.
"are you pregnant?" the friend asked
i looked up at him.
"come on brett, you don't ask a woman that"
"it's fine" i said
"so are you?"
"yes, brett, i'm pregnant"
"is it a boy"
"it's a girl"
"lame"
i laughed
i injected lidocaine into the wound
"logan, she's giving you a needle!"
"it's just to numb the area"
"you'll need sutures"
"like stitches?"
i nodded.
i sutured the wound, it only needed a couple.
"do you have your parents phone number?"
"my grandma didn't stay?" logan asked.
"no, she said your parents were on the way but i don't know if their actually coming"
the scribbled the digits down on the edge of his chart.
"i'll be back" i smiled
i went to the admit desk and dialled the number, apparently they were on their way anyways.
————
i was sitting in the lounge filling in charts when cleo finch came in.
"doug ross was the paediatrician before me?" finch asked
"he seemed to have the peids area set up well"
"it was only put together a few months before he left" i said
"is that right?" 
i nodded my head.
"the staff knew him well?"
i tilted my head "yeah, mark, carol, him and i go way back"
"i'm technically engaged to him actually"
"oh really" she smiled
"he's the father of the baby?"
"yeah, he is"
"i'm sorry if it's a sensitive topic"
"no need to apologize" i smiled
"it's complicated i guess" i laughed
"i know we don't know each other that well but if you need anything, you know where i am"
"thanks, cleo"
she walked out of the lounge.

soon later, a trauma came in. one carter and malucci found.
i put on my yellow trauma cape and went into the room.
"alright let's get a unit of o neg on the infuser"
"we have a pelvic fracture?"
i listened to the breath sounds when peter came in.
"you intubated in the field?"
"carter did it blindly"
"who's this?"
"dr. malucci" i said
"dr. dave actually"
i rolled my eyes.
"he's got a pelvic fracture"
i went and irrigated his leg.
that's when the paramedics came in and yelled at malucci and carter for taking the ambulances supplies.
i continued to asses the patient.
"alright, get out of here dr. dave" i mocked, shooing him away.
"no" he shouted
"carter, get your student out of here" peter yelled
"i'm not a student"
"go" i shouted again.
the paramedic knocked over a tray, trying to hir malucci, it barely missed me.
"you alright y/n?" peter asked, moving me aside
"i'm okay" i nodded 
it was nice when peter was kind to people. it was quite rare but i guess i get the pregnancy pass.

it was just about the end of my shift, i was so ready to go off. my feet hurt so bad.
"y/n, could you do me a favour?" carol asked, stopping me down the hallway.
"sure" i smiled
"i have this elderly woman, she's dying and wanted the priest to come in but i haven't been able to get a hold of him"
"could you maybe say a little prayer or something"
"i can try" i said, following her to the room.
"now, i'm not a priest but i can say a prayer" i offered
the woman nodded her head.
i put my hand over hers and began, closing my eyes
"lord jesus christ, saviour of the world, we pray for your servant and commend her to your mercy. for her sake you came down from heaven; i pray tjay you receive her now into the joy of your kingdom. though she has sinned she has not denied the father, son and holy spirit, but had believed in god and worshipped him. may she who has suffered through pain now discover that she has been chosen to be saints. we ask this through christ our lord"
"amen"
she had her eyes closed.
kovac came in and asked to say a little blessing too.
i stood by carol and listened to him, he spoke in croatian.
by the first couple words, i could tell she had already gone. her heart rate eventually stopped. it was somber, just what she wanted though.
————
i was sitting at the edge of my bed, looking out the window.
that lady really spoke to me. i just sat there and prayed. i prayed for peace and guidance. it's the first time i've talked to god in a long time. working in an ER, you're always seeing the dark parts of the world. all that death and horrible stuff. it's hard to look on the bright side when all you see is the dark. some patients, like that lady, make you realize that everything is okay. heaven is the place she wanted to be and she wasn't afraid of it.
i heard a series of knocks on my door, it took me awhile to hobbled out of my bed.
i went over to the door, opening it up.
"sorry, getting up takes me awhile now" i smiled
"didn't know if you'd come" i laughed
"come on" he groaned
i let him in
"last patient took a little while"
"i'm glad you could make it" i nodded