if you call for me, i'll run to you | a doug ross fanfiction

98.

98.
the fastest year
April 27, 2000

"heading out already?" i asked carol
i had just started my 10 hour shift.
"yeah"
"luka and i are gonna find me a car" she smiled
"ah" i smiled
"so the rumours are true"
"what rumours?"
i shrugged "i don't know, you two are getting pretty close lately"
"he's a wonderful man, y/n"
"i'm the happiest i've been in a long time" she laughed
"i'm glad you are, carol"
"anyways" i sighed
"i'll see you tomorrow"

no more than a couple minutes later, a patient came in for me.
"this is mrs. ahmad"
"she passed out on her bathroom floor"
"alright let's get her to curtain three"
"is this her daughter?" i asked the paramedic. he was carrying a little girl
"yeah, nadia"
"i can take her" i smiled, the paramedic passed her off to me.
malik and i transferred the lady onto the gurney.
"mark, i had no idea you were here"
he sat in a chair next to his dad. his gurney was next to my patients.
"yeah, dad has pneumonia"
"need some help?" he added
i shook my head "it's alright"
"so mrs. ahmad"
"you passed out on the floor?"
she nodded.
"did you hit your head when you fell?" i asked, looking at her eyes.
"no"
"let's get a head ct just to be sure and get a cbc"
"i have end stage breast cancer" the lady whispered
"i have a DNR" she added
"okay" i smiled
"malik, wanna take nadia to the peids room?"
"please, i don't want to be a bother"
"no, really it's okay" i smiled
"then, we can discuss your treatment"
malik took the little girl out in the hallway. i sat near mrs. ahmads bed.
"you're dehydrated, is it okay if we put you on a saline drip?"
she nodded her head.
"your breath sounds are muffled"
"so, how about some oxygen for your breathing?"
"okay"
"it's a matter of making you comfortable now?"
"yes, that's what oncology told me"
"i've been feeling so weak these last few days"
"passing out on and off"
"i'm sorry to hear that"
"you were unconscious for awhile?"
"my friend found me" she nodded
"alright, i'll be right back with that oxygen" i smiled
———
it was later that afternoon and i went back to check on my cancer patient.
she was sleeping with her daughter. marks dad was still in the gurney beside her.
"you're that doctor mark went off for on thanksgiving?" marks father asked me
"that's me" i smiled
"i've heard lots about you"
i smiled
"so, you have a baby?" he added
"a baby girl" i nodded
"gosh she's five months now?"
"yeah" i smiled
"you were with that doug guy mark always talked about"
"i met hun once"
"his good friend?"
"yes"
"where is he now?"
"if you don't mind me asking"
"he's in seattle"
"oh, wow"
"anyways, it's nice to finally put a face to a name"
"yeah, nice to finally meet you too mr. greene"
"please, it's david"
"alright, david" i laughed
——
"discharged a cough, constipation and diarrhoea" i smiled, throwing my charts on the admit desk. they were discharged and off.
"lucky you" carter smiled
"when did weaver come back?"
"an hour ago"
"i guess i'm in the unknown"
"i guess so" carter smiled
i walked back over to mrs. ahmad.
mark and his father left awhile ago.
he said he was gonna take him to look at the water.
"dr. l/n"
"how are you doing?"
"dumb question" she smiled
she had a beautiful middle eastern accent.
"sorry"
i paused
"is there anyone i can call for you?"
she shook her head
"nadias father isn't with us anymore"
i was silent.
"do you have children"
"i have a five month old girl"
"aw" she smiled
"you're married?" she asked, looking at my finger
"engaged"
i waved a hand in the air "it's complicated though"
"the father isn't here?"
"he's on the other side of the country"
"seattle" i smiled
"how old is nadia?"
"she's six years old"
"she's gorgeous"
"looks just like you"
"thank you"
she smiled at me "i felt much prettier when i had my hair"
i didn't know what to say. i looked down at my feet, instead.
"is there anything we can get for you two?"
"that's okay, doctor" she nodded

just and hour more of the day. i was exhausted, i just wanted to see my baby.
"y/n" malik shouted from curtain three.
i ran over, i knew what was happening.
"shouldn't you do something?" chen asked
"she's a dnr" i told her, shaking my head.
"nadia" mrs ahmad said
"i love you"
"mommy?" the girl cried out
it made me tear up.
"let's give her another five of morphine" i told malik
"doctor" the little girl said, holding onto her mothers gurney.
the heart alarm went off.
"sinus" chen said
a couple minutes went by.
"asystole" i sighed, looking at the monitor then, back at the patient.
"time of death 19:07"  i nodded
the little girl was crying.
i picked her up and sat her next to her mom.
"chen, can you page dcfs down here for me?"
"sure, dr. l/n"
i stroked the girls hair as chen walked out of the room.
"i'll go get the death kit" malik whispered.
i nodded my head, wiping a tear away from nadia's face.
———
i walked out of a church about an hour later. i just needed to go there.
to think about things, you know. adele, the social worker found a place for nadia. after that, i left.
still, i felt so bad for that little girl. she'd have to live her life without her biological mother and father.
a lot of different cases were sort of a eye opener for me, lately. it was like divine intervention. from the accidental baby poisoning, the paralyzed man, this breast cancer patient...
i guess it just taught me that i don't actually have as much time as i think i do. and it taught me that i could easily just turn my life around and make myself happier but i haven't. those patients, they didn't have control of their situations.
i am the one in power, here.
my daughter deserves her father and lately i'd been feeling selfish for taking that away from her. taking that away from doug too, i guess. doug, deserves to be a father, too.

i was back at my apartment. juliette's head rested on my chest as i danced in front of my window with her.
the sun was just setting, a golden color painted the sky. she loves when i rock her and sing to her at night. it puts her right to sleep.
but  throughout all this sadness, looking at my juliettes's face brought me peace somehow.
i looked at her, she had doug's eyes. as much as it hurt to see a reflection of him all the time, i loved her more than anything. it was a reminder of the hint of good in the bad.
back when doug left me i didn't know what i was gonna do. this baby was a sign to me. that everything would eventually be okay.
once again, i found tears escaping my eyes. instead of wiping them away, i found myself dialling a familiar number.
no answer, just the answering machine.
beep
i paused, letting out a sigh.
"doug, i need you to get me out of chicago"