if you call for me, i'll run to you | a doug ross fanfiction

73.

73.
sticks and stones
March 2, 1999

it was about 8 a clock at night and i was on at 10. i was working the night shift with mark. it had been a couple days away from a month since i'd seen doug. gosh, it felt crazy. i didn't feel like myself at all. i was lashing out at people, feeling so nauseous and was feeling confused all the time. i was dreading what i was about to do, but my period had been almost a week late. my shift yesterday consisted of everyone continuously asking me if i was okay. i complained to mark once about having a headache and he got all worked up. deep down inside, i knew what the reason probably was. i didn't want to even think about it though.
i reached down and dug through my bathroom cabinet. i pulled out the pregnancy tests that doug bought me when we had a false alarm not long ago. it made me smile a bit at the thought of him. the thought of us finally so sure about ourselves.

i took the test.

the past month had been really hard for me, i'd gone through every possible emotion. denial, anger, depression, i was still waiting for the acceptance stage. i thought the shrink would help but it hadn't.
my heart had to be racing a mile a minute. gosh, it was practically beating out of my chest.
i found myself have a boost of productivity. i finally put dishes away, folded laundry.
after about twenty minutes of that, i decided to finally look at the test.
my stomach dropped as i looked at the two lines. the positive test. it felt like i was getting lightheaded. suddenly, the reflection i was looking at in the mirror didn't look like me. i didn't even know who i was anymore. pregnant?
i laid down on my bathroom floor and cried. tears streamed down my face like waterfalls. it had taken so much out of me not to think of doug, to try and move on somehow. now, i didn't know how that was going to happen. a god damn baby on the way?

i arrived to the er. i was about a half hour late to my shift.
"you're late, you okay?" mark asked
"sorry about that"
"still having those headaches?
"you're not looking too good"
"yeah, i'm fine though" i smiled
"i knew i should've taken you to get a ct"
"mark" i said
he looked at me blankly
"can we talk?"
he nodded.
i led him to an empty exam room.
"what's up?"
i started pacing back and fourth
"y/n?"
"i don't even know how to tell you this"
"tell me what?" he said, beginning to get nervous
"i'm pregnant mark"
tears immediately started streaming down my face.
"how long ago did you find out?"
"an hour ago?"
he was silent
"are you going to keep it?"
"i don't know mark" i cried
"don't cry" he said, stepping closer to me
"does doug know?"
"no"
"we said we weren't gonna call each other for awhile"
"okay"
"shh" he hushed
"it's gonna be okay" he said, wrapping me in a hug.