A Game Of Revenge

45- Break Her Heart

God, now we are in my room all alone.

I sat on the bed and he stood in front of me with a glint of anger, the audacity of rage after telling me to bury the matter which made me serious.

"Garnet, Erica is just a child, stop doing this in front of her. It's just a one-time thing, stop making an ordeal out of it." He scolded me.

I looked at him infuriated and a dropped jaw for his ridiculous words. But, I didn't want to tell him other reasons too.

"Roy, I have given my first time to you, my boss, right inside my cabin. Can you imagine how I am feeling? It might be a one-time thing to you, an everyday action to you but it means a lot to me." I growled in a low voice.

"I know it is difficult. I also haven't done any of this in my office. I am also feeling like I have lost my integrity." He said, exasperated.

Feeling the same humiliation as me but he cannot; he could never understand.

"And I have lost my fucking virginity!"

"Shh. Erica will listen."

He put his index finger over my lips. I yanked his hand away and began to scowl at him, "Don't touch me after you have considered your time with me a stain."

His eyes softened as he hesitantly sat beside me. My lips were quivering, unwillingly, showing my anguish, the feeling of grief and penitence.

"I.. am sorry, Garnet. Please understand the situation." He whispered sadly.

He put his arm around me and pulled me close. My breath hitched, my heart skipped a beat as I put my head over his chest and held his shirt.

"Why have I done, Roy? What should I say to Erica? What will she think of me? What impression should I be giving to her?" I asked, sharing my biggest terror.

I never wanted her to hate me.

"Look Garnet, that moment we did what our heart told us to. We listened to our hearts." He murmured, rubbing circles around my shoulder, trying to soothe me.

"All we can do is to pretend that it never happened."

"How? It was my goddamn first time. You can forget it, I can't." I whispered, looking at him, fed up with his talk of forgetting.

Why don't you get it?! I want to call it a memory we both would remember forever, a beautiful connection- stop ruining the charm of that moment.

'Please don't murder what we considered a temporary redemption. It was not that meaningless; it was our emotions.'

He looked at me and narrowed his eyes at me with the urge for forgiveness and an immense sorrow and at the same time... A ravage like he wants to say something and mustering some courage to do it.

"Say something now."

He kept looking at me and saw my broken dream in my eyes and felt my pain. He didn't know the depth but he saw the guilt.

My grip on his shirt tightened as he said something in an inaudible tone that I can't hear clearly.

"...Forgive me. I might break your heart."

I didn't understand the rest of his words but didn't understand who he was apologizing to. We both are at fault, we can't put blame on each other.

"What do you mean...?"

He slowly pulled away from me and stood up dominantly.

"Roy.. ?" I called him vaguely.

He swallowed hard and looked at me with his usual cold look which broke my heart.

"What's done is done, Garnet. It would be better if we forget about it. Bury what happened in that room. Enough."

My mouth gaped in shock when I heard it.

"That room you speak of is my fucking cabin! I go there every damn day! I can't forget it, Roy! Stop infuriating me by repeating the same damn thing over and over again!" I whisper-yelled at him.

I was so done with this insensitive asshole.

"Look, I have slept with many women and you are no different from them. Forget it just like I did." he said, unbuttoning a few buttons of his shirt and loosening his tie while looking away.

I would commit another murder if he stayed here any longer.

"Am I no different from those women?" I asked in a heartbroken voice, jaw dropping at his lie.

"Hmm. " He hummed and turned to leave. I just looked at him in betrayal and staggered.

"I understand you, Roy. Stop lying!"

"That's just your silly delusion." He muttered.

I just kept looking at him, cheated, ravaged, dolorous as a tear rolled down my cheeks with no hopes, shattering my fragmented heart to pieces.

"You are beyond helping, Roy. You proved it over time and time that you are ruthless and incapable of feelings. A man like you deserves pain."

"Garnet-"

He opened his mouth to speak but he had spouted enough nonsense. He was a confused man who couldn't help himself.

"Shut up. I should have left you that moment to suffer. I should've walked away like Hailey did because you know what?" I growled, grabbing a nearby glass and throwing it near him.

"You fucking deserve it, asshole!"

Turning his head away in shame, his breaths hitched, making an almost crying face, visibly devastated but being stubborn.

"You are pathetic! Coward! Get the hell out of my place! I hate you! I hate you! I hate you! You insensible piece of shit!" I yelled pointing my middle finger at him as I gestured to him to leave.

He spared a last glance at me with a tear and left. After he left I moved to the sheets, curling like a ball followed by a few tears rolling down my cheek.

How could he talk like that?

I was an idiot to lose myself in his charm. He was heartless, I should have never trusted him.

Just how wrong I was that I thought that I could change him. That I can make him feel alive, that a soul also resides in him.

Tears of anger, hatred and emptiness rolled down my cheeks, showing my despair. My skin was burning, burying the feelings I have begun to feel for him.

You left Roy but an unrecoverable scar remained on my heart.

'And we both know you have no place left apart from me, you would return to me but I won't offer my hand again.'