A Time to Grow

Nightmares and Baby Shower Bad News

Maks woke up extra early one morning and groaned.

'No one should even be awake at this hour.' He thought.

He went to reach for Peta but realized she was missing. He looked toward the bathroom to make sure she wasn't in there. The lights were off so she wasn't there. Confused he stood up from the bed and headed out through the house to look for her. He checked in Adeline's nursery, sometimes when she couldn't sleep she'd go there and rock for awhile to soothe her mind. She wasn't there. He checked the living room, kitchen, and den, all coming up empty. Finally he noticed the door to the patio was cracked and he headed out there. She was curled up on the swing in a ball as tight as her 28 week belly would allow. She also had tear streaks on her cheeks

He settled down on the swing beside her quietly so he didn't scare her. Her eyes looked up to meet his and he opened his arms to her. She sunk into him, gripping on to him tight.

"What's wrong pretty girl?" He said as he held her tight.

"Nightmare." She whispered. He groaned. She had been having some pretty vivid ones lately. Some of them normal or weird but she had had a handful of bad ones.

"How come you didn't wake me up?" He said as he pressed a kiss into her hair.

"You looked so peaceful. I didn't want to wake you up." She said as she burrowed into his chest.

"You know you always can. Especially when they are scary."

"I know, I just feel guilty waking you up when you're still working and everything. You need sleep."

"So do you pretty girl, and I don't work tomorrow or well today. Promise me next time you'll wake me?"

"I promise." She said softly.

"Do you wanna talk about it?" She clung to him a little tighter and he just stroked her back keeping her tight to him. He let her figure it out and talk when she wanted.

"She died." She whispered as her body shook in his arms.

"Babe, I'm sorry. You know it's not real though."

"But Maks, in that moment in my dream, it's so vivid and so real. And when I wake up it's like this haze is going on and I can't tell if the awake state is real or the dream is. And I think that's what freaks me out most. And there's nothing to fix that feeling."

"I'm sorry, if there was anything I could take for you from all this it would be that."

"And the worst part, is it just puts these fears in my head of things that could happen. I mean I'm scared as it is and I think that's normal but these dreams, they are worst case scenario and then that gets into my head and builds. I think that's what happened tonight. It's why I came outside. I was hoping the air and sky would help me calm down some."

"Did it help?"

"A little. This helps the most. Sometimes I want or I need to try on my own though but I know having you always makes it better."

"Well I'm glad. You know I'm always here. And you know that Dr. Alta and all the nurses at the hospital are going to do their absolute best to keep you safe. And everyone will be sending you love and positive thoughts and vibes from wherever they all are."

"I know and I trust in all that and in you but in these dreams, it's these situations where nothing could have been done, or tonight, I was alone. And it happened so quick and then she died before I could get to any help. Which I know isn't realistic but it still puts it out there and then I think about it."

"Babe, I...." Maks said unsure of how to fix this one.

"I know handsome. I don't know how to fix it either. And that's okay. I don't think we can take it away."