Let Her Go (girlxgirl) (lesbian story)

Chapter Fifty-eight

A/n: I'm going to put a trigger warning on this chapter for anyone suffering from depression, anxiety etc. even though I'm not sure it is actually triggering. I just want to be sure. Read at your own risk!

Robyn

I paced the floor of our room, unable to sit still, a knot of anxiety pressing down uncomfortably on my gut. My fingers were tangled together and I couldn't slow my heart rate. Sabby never spoke about her father. Never. She didn't speak about her family at all really: I hadn't even known she had a twin sister until recently. Her family was her sticking point and I'd never pushed her on the subject; however I can't deny having been curious. Who wouldn't be?

But I can safely say I wasn't curious anymore. I couldn't stop reliving the way Sabastienne's face had fallen when Mr White told her her father was here, couldn't stop feeling her pull away from me. I swore I heard all her barriers come crashing down.

She'd told me she'd been a different person in Russia, that she'd been cold and unforgiving, an 'ice-queen' as Anthony put it, but I'd never been able to imagine Sabby behaving like that. She was too friendly and loving for closed-off bitchiness, or so I'd always thought. Now, reflecting on the way she'd acted back in the corridor, the seeds of doubt in my mind were beginning to sprout. Could I have been wrong?

I was definitely beginning to think so. Her face had never looked like that before. Everything I loved had disappeared in a flash. Her expression became blank, her back straightened and her entire presence suddenly screamed tension. Worst of all were her eyes, their usually warm, expressive nature replaced by a hard, piercing stare that intimidated even me, her girlfriend. For the first time I could understand why so many people muttered when we passed, why they'd all stared so intently when we'd gotten back together.

My body trembled and I felt dizzy so I lowered myself to the floor.

"Stop freaking out," Zoey said, moving from her position on the bed to sit beside me. I'd called her while I was heading back to our room and she'd met me within ten minutes. "You're thinking about this too much. You always do that and does it ever turn out how you imagined?"

"You didn't see her. It was like someone flipped a switch and everything changed, she looked so ... cold." I buried my face in my hands. "I'm sorry I'm making this such a big deal," I said, "but it feels as if everything I knew about her was wrong because I didn't think she could be like that. Like, if you'd built a building only to discover the dimensions were off. Does that make sense?"

"Not really," Zoey confessed and I groaned. She wrapped an arm around my back and hugged me into her side. "She's still the same person, Robyn. She still loves you. What's wrong with her not being the same around her parents?"

I rested my head on her shoulder. "I don't know. I'm not the same around my parents, no one is, so I shouldn't be surprised but I guess it scared me that she could just switch off. Like maybe she could just decide not to feel anything for me anymore."

Zoey laughed. "Are you serious? Have you seen the way that girl looks at you? There is no way in hell she could 'just decide not to feel anything for you anymore'. She's absolutely whipped, Robyn."

I wrapped my arms around Zoey. "You're right, I'm worrying too much."

"Welcome back to reason," she said, and I tried to smile but it didn't come out right. I couldn't push away the fear and wouldn't be able to until I saw Sabby again and made sure she was still the same.

"What do you think he's here for?"

Zoey straightened and pushed me gently until I was held at arm's length from her, her eyes boring into me. "We're not doing this," she said, "let's go out."