Let Her Go (girlxgirl) (lesbian story)

Chapter Sixty

Robyn

"Have you ever thought about killing yourself?" asked the tall, balding man across a desk from me.

"Of course."

"What I mean is have you ever planned it out; how, when, where?"

I shrugged, embarrassed, "I guess."

"And have you ever made an attempt to take your life?"

"No!" I exclaimed a little too loudly. The man waited earnestly until I gave in. "I've come close. Like, scarily close but I always chickened out."

"Chickened out?"

"Yeah. I'm too much of a coward to go through with it."

"Not being able to isn't cowardice, Robyn, that's human nature. It's instinct to put one's life before everything else." I shrugged again and stared at the carpet. "You don't believe me?" the man asked and I shook my head. "Explain why."

"Because if that were the case no one would ever kill themselves. Other people manage; I'm too afraid."

"Those people are very sick. You shouldn't compare yourself to them."

"I'm not. I'm just saying that I can't even kill myself right." The man didn't reply, seeming to be considering what to say next. "It's okay," I said, "I know what you're thinking. Suicide is always wrong, you're crazy, blah, blah, but try to see it through my eyes: I have never in my life done something right. It's just fuck up after fuck up, including killing myself."

"That's not true at all, Robyn. You're speaking to me now, that's the right thing to do."

"Only because I have no choice," I countered.

"You could have come in here and said nothing the entire session, I've had patients do that before, but you chose to answer, revealing things that are extremely personal and showing you want help. You chose to let me in and that is most definitely not something a coward would do."

The impact those words had on me is too overwhelming to put into words. It was like I'd been holding a building on my back and he'd come along and taken it off, relieving me of a weight I didn't even know I had.

"I do want help," I whispered, fighting the embarrassment that statement brought, the weakness it seemed to convey.

"Proving my point. Many people go all their lives without seeking assistance and live in misery because of it. While I can't promise we'll make your life perfect, that's impossible, I can tell you that therapy will teach you how to deal with stress and these bad feelings which, in the long run, will give you a far happier life than any of them."

I nodded because, despite the slight cheese factor, that was what I'd been hoping to hear.

"Awesome ... So can I go now?" I genuinely asked, causing the man to laugh.

"No, not quite yet."

"Dammit," I muttered, "I'm bloody starving."

***

Two hours - two whole freaking hours - later I was finally able to provide my body with much needed sustenance. This came in the form of a slightly undercooked lasagne which was, all in all, highly satisfying.

Sabby watched me devouring it with an amused expression, "You're like an animal."

"In the bedroom," I winked.

"There too," Sabastienne said, making me hum happily.

"Have I ever told you how sexy your accent is?"