Let Her Go (girlxgirl) (lesbian story)

Epilogue

Robyn

"Doesn't it make you a bit jealous?" asked Jonas, smiling pleasantly even when his wife elbowed him.

Elizabeth smiled back with characteristic ease, drawling, "I suppose it does, but I'm a grown woman and perfectly capable of remaining calm under a little healthy jealousy." I laughed but quickly disguising the sound as a cough. She patted me ever so casually on the back, "Okay there, sweetie?" 

"Just dandy," I spluttered, "Going to fetch myself a drink of water, I think. Would anyone like anything?"  All negative so I moved swiftly away, chuckling quietly.

Liza may claim the coolness of a cucumber but she'd been the furthest thing from it upon first learning I'd been offered a primary print run of 50,000 copies for mine and Sabby's story. 50,000 wasn't huge by bestseller's standards, but it was a heck of a lot for the story of two teenage girls in all its unedited glory. Of course, I'd been asked to remove a lot of the 'unsuitable' portions (and the story had been a great deal slimmer afterwards) but everyone I knew was still duly impressed. This wasn't even dulled by the spreading news of my decision to not publish after all but instead post the work online. In fact, many thought me charitable, a good samaritan, and so on and so forth. Well, I imagined they did, which was essentially the same thing.

So here we were, celebrating the book's publication in the house I shared with long-time partner Elizabeth even though the novel wasn't actually being published, as such, anymore. But any excuse for a party, am I right?

Most of my friends from school had shown up: Jonas and Zoey, leaving their three kids with their grandma; Charlotte and wife Bella; Anthony, fresh from his divorce but looking well; even Alexis was here, flirting her way shamelessly around the room. Only Dominika and Yuriy were absent.

They no longer associated with any of us. We hadn't been offered an explanation, they'd just disappeared. But I refused to be upset about it anymore. I'd spent too long reaching out to them, trying desperately to get an explanation, at least for Charlotte (who'd been heartbroken for months) to no avail. After a while, Charlotte had met Jessica, and then Bella and now here she was, over it, along with the rest of us.

I filled a glass with water and took a tiny sip. The kitchen was empty: not surprising when all the food was in the dining room. Leaning back against a counter, I drank.

There was still something inside me broken. A fragment gone. A scar that ached. Even now, fifteen years later, I still dreamed of her nightly. Liza knew and she was nothing but understanding and unceasingly supportive. I hated that I couldn't give her everything she deserved. 

But that might be about to change - no, it would change tonight. When we'd press that button together. Send that story out into the ether and complete the journey.

All in a rush, I wanted to do it now. Get it over with, see if it made a difference. I placed my glass on the worktop and rushed into the dining room to fetch Elizabeth. She was in a gaggle of friends, laughing as someone told a story.

"Apologies for the intrusion but I must steal my beautiful girlfriend for a moment," I said, hand on Elizabeth's upper arm. She glanced over her shoulder at me, then at the gathered people.

"It seems I'm wanted," she said, politely slipping away.

"Don't screw too loud!" Jonas yelled and she raised her eyes to the heavens.

"That man never grows up," she said, "I don't know how Zoey deals with it."

"Yeah," I replied distractedly, glancing around as we left the room. "Upstairs." My whole body trembled. She nodded, accepting without question that this was happening now, instead of later as we'd planned. That was one of the things I loved about her: she understood and accepted me utterly and completely.

We'd reached our bedroom. I rummaged around at my desk, moving papers, lifting books.

"You left it on your chair in the sitting room," she said.

"Thanks," I darted downstairs and grabbed my laptop - it was exactly where she'd said it'd be. Then I hurried back up, relieved that no one saw me and placed the device on the bed between us. "Fuck," I whispered, fingers trembling as I lifted the lid and tried to tap in my password. It took several goes, I was hurrying, hitting the wrong keys.

I was scared.

Elizabeth placed a hand on my back, "It's okay. Even if this doesn't work, I'm not going to leave you. You know that. I love you just the way you are, even if you can't give me everything you want."

"It's hard to believe," I whispered, staring at the screen, at the button, that tiny button over which I only had to move my cursor and click. "How can you love someone who loves another person as much as they love you?"

"By loving that other person too," she said. "I may not have known Sabastienne in person but she's in her words, she's in you, and I love her for helping you become the person you are today. For loving you as much as she did."

"I thought you got jealous."

"I'm working on it; that's my flaw, not something for you to worry about."

I gazed at the screen, heart fluttering, "Is this the right thing to do?"

She tilted her head a little to the right, "What do you think?"

"I think yes. I think it's sharing her with the world, showing everyone how amazing she was, making sure she isn't forgotten. It'll make her immortal. She deserves that." I chewed my lip, finger hovering over the touchpad. "This is for her," and I clicked.

A little box flashed up, asking if I was sure. I hit yes. And there it was, posted. Online. Our story, her story, for the world to see. No longer just mine and hers and the few people I'd allowed to share it. Now it belonged to everyone.

It was gone.

I cried. Cried until I thought my body would dissolve. But that night, I dreamed of Elizabeth. And that night, a little part of me healed as if someone had been watching over me. As if someone had realised I'd finally let her go.

A/n: Bit cheesy, I know, but hey. I like cheese. Hope this wasn't too sad for you and I really hope you can appreciate the ending despite it being a bit upsetting.

Anyway, in case you forgot, I'd like to once again suggest you check out This is War. It's kinda funny and is, in my opinion, a bit better than this. Sorry for so much self-promo but, hey, this is my book, I can do what I like.

Love you all! Thank you for not giving up on me or this story, it's eternally appreciated!

Ciao.

- Kate