Let Her Go (girlxgirl) (lesbian story)

Chapter Sixty-one

Sabastienne

Robyn looked at me helplessly.

A cold feeling spread through my body and I jolted off the bed, my muscles clenching tightly as she still didn't answer.

"Do you trust me?" I asked again.

"I - I don't know," she said, her hands clutching the sheets, white knuckled.

"Okay," I walked straight over to the door, only pausing because of the broken way she called my name.

"Please let me explain," she begged, "hear me out!" My hand went to the door handle."Sabby, please!" I pushed it down. "Don't leave me here alone."

"Don't do that."

"Do what?"

"Make me out to be the bad guy for leaving you. I care about you, Robyn, and you're using it against me. Don't."

"You're right, I'm sorry. I ... I just don't know how to stop you leaving."

A long, painful internal battle led to: "I'll stay," and I took my hand off the door.

"Thank you," Robyn said thickly, evidence that she was crying. "I'm so sorry. I do trust you, I do, or, at least, I think I do. After all, I let you do things to me I'd never let anyone else do, so I must, but I don't know my own feelings well enough to tell you for sure," she was blurting out the words, tripping over herself. "Please know it's not you, it couldn't ever be because of you; this is my issue.

"I have this thing inside that tells me I don't deserve you and that you could never really love me because fucking look at you, you're perfect: so beautiful it hurts, smart, funny, sexy as hell, cute even if you won't admit it, sweet, genuine, low-key romantic as fuck, amazing in bed, the list goes on. It's impossible for anyone not to love you, whereas me ... I'm just some awkward girl who was ignored by pretty much everyone before you came along.

"On top of that, it also seems I can't be a good girlfriend because yeah, I believe you when you tell me you love me but only that you think you do, never that you honestly could ... what kind of reciprocation is that? I love you, I love you so much I want to never leave your side but even that I sometimes doubt. It's crazy. I'm sure that I love you more than I'm sure the earth is round but sometimes I wonder if I'm imagining it or my body is tricking me. Do you get it? I don't have faith in my own emotions or judgement, I can't because they tell me things like that. It's impossible to trust anyone else, really trust them I mean, utterly and completely, when I can't trust myself."

There was no sound in the room, even our breathing was imperceptible.

"I'm far from perfect," I said shakily, moving over to the bed and sitting at the foot, searching for her eyes so she could see I meant what I was about to say. "So are you, so is everyone. There's still beauty in imperfection, Robbie: imperfection can be perfect - it is in you.

"And we all have insecurities, we all think we're not good enough sometimes but you're kind and caring and, while you may not have as many friends as you want, you're surrounded by people who love you to death and would do anything for you. You share a bond with them I can't even begin to imagine. I've never that with anyone but you so I'm kind of a novice when it comes to feelings and that means I fuck up and do stupid stuff all the time, like our breakup. If it hadn't been for Alexis I would never have realised that you were better off by my side because deep down I'm insecure too and I thought it'd be easy to forget me. My inexperience also means I can't show you how much I care for you or how completely and madly in love with you I am, but I promise, baby, that I will spend every day for the rest of my life convincing you. You're my forever and a day, Robyn. I will always honour that.