Secret Files PH

14 and Pregnant.

14 and Pregnant.

At the age of 14, my life is already ruined. Im just 14 and pregnant, tinakbuhan ng nakabuntis, iniwan ng kaibigan and worst, pinagtabuyan ng pamilya.

No one wanna help me, Im too young and I cant even help myself to get up.

With my 10k (na pinagbentahan ng mga alahas ko) I rent a small room and 3 days straight all I did is to cry and sleep.

Maybe kapag nawala sya tatanggapin na ulit ako ng pamilya ko. Maybe kapag nawala sya babalikan ako ng ex ko at ng mga kaibigan ko. Thats what I thought.

So I plan an abortion. After this everything will fall into places. Everything will comeback to normal.

So I did! I eat 3 abortion pills, and all did that day is to smoke and drink beer and that night, I succeed! Hahaha finally! Wala na sya. But why am I not happy with it?

The blood is streaming on my legs pero wala akong nararamdaman, physical or emotionally. Im trapped in my own thoughts. Not crying, not even scared of dying.

Im not even aware that I welcome myself in a world call... Hell!

I woke up inside a hospital room, with my family and some of my friends. This is what I want right? I get what I want! Hahaha sobrang saya at sa sobrang kasiyahan, gusto ko ng mamatay!

Midnight came and I woke up alone so I went to the toilet and did my thing. Then I look to the mirror, I examine my own reflection. I get what I want pero wala man lang bakas ng saya sa mukha ko. I look so pale, so sad. I ask myself, ""what the hell happened to you?""

The crazy thing is my reflection smiled at me and said ""Good job"". Hahaha, I cant help it but to laugh out loud because she just answered.

Hahaha! Imagine, my own reflection just answered my own question!

Hahaha, Im laughing out loud but my tears are streaming down my face.

I calm myself while looking at my smiling reflection until the baby's cried filled out my ears.

Its my baby! ITS MY BABY!

Then shit happened! I just saw myself, hurting itself. The white tiles turns to red. I cant control my body, all I can do is to watch my miserable self.

While hurting myself, the baby's cry turns into laugh, a sweet soft laugh then everything went black.

Everything was blur, I just found myself infront of a psychologist. He said I need treatment for this depression.

Yea, maybe Im depressed but Im not crazy, and the baby's cry and laugh is not my ilussion! Not my conscience! Its my baby!

They prison me inside my room because they think Im crazy!

Mas lalo akong mababaliw sa loob ng kwarto ko na nagsisilbing kulungan ko. I still hear him, his cry and his satisfied laugh when I hurt myself.

The next memory I remember is Im already in the airplane. Staring at the calm sky.

My doctor said that Im already ok, but Im not. Definitely not. I just...

I just felt tired, tired of everything so I decided to hold on that little voice who keeps me sane, that voice who keeps saying that I can passed the dark side of my story.

I just felt tired, tired of everything and decided to continue my life. I can still make it right and thats the beginning of the new chapter of my life.

PS. Im already 20 this year and living in Singapore. Im already fine and I can now handle the pain of my past. So Ill just gonna leave it here.

H.

SG Int'l School

2015