Secret Files PH

To my soulmate but not my 'the one'

To my soulmate but not my 'the one'

Sabi ko kasi iiwan ko na lahat ng sakit kasabay ng pagtatapos ng 2016. Kaya sana mabasa mo. I tried so hard to be happy. I tried so hard not to look affected. I tried so hard to keep these feelings bottled. Pero here I am, writing this for you. Ibinuhos ko na lahat rito kasi huli na 'to.

We met unexpectedly pero sobrang grabe ang connection nating dalawa. Sabi ko nga, "Parang pinag biyak tayo, tapos ngayon pinag dikit ulit kaya buo na tayo." We were one. We were the same at almost everything: likes, dislikes, thoughts etc.

You are my soulmate but it doesn't mean you're the one. It doesn't mean I'll end up with you. It doesn't mean that someday your face is what I'm going to see first when I get off to work.

It sucks right? Soulmates but not meant to be.

In a short span of time, I pictured everything with you. I imagined you in my future. You were once in my future. Heck, you were my future. But I think some things are not just meant to be right? And "we" are one of those things.

I tried everything. I understood you even though understanding you was becoming painful. Ultimo, 'di mo pag kausap sa'kin ng ilang araw kahit pareho naman tayong free ay inintindi ko. You don't know how many times I stopped myself from telling you na magka time ka naman sa'kin pero syempre 'di ko ginawa. Ayoko maging pabigat dahil alam kong may mga problema ka. Naintindihan ko. There were times I almost felt like giving up but because I love you and knew you were worth it, I didn't. I held on. But holding on is tiring, most especially when the person you want to hold, doesn't want to be held. I still tried though.

You probably wouldn't care but I just want to let you know these things.

No, I am not mad that you ignored me shitload of times.

No, I am not mad that you never asked how my day went.

No, I am not mad that sometimes you made me feel like I can't talk to you.

No, I am not mad that sometimes you made me feel unimportant.

No, I am not mad that sometimes you made me feel unworthy.

No, I am not mad that sometimes you made me feel like I am some kind of a love letter that you'll only read when you want to know that you are loved.

No, I am not mad that days after you saying you'll be back, you already found someone.

No, I am not mad.

I am hurt. So damn hurt.

But still, thank you.

Thank you for making me feel beyond happy and sad within our numbered days.

Para kang lalaking nakawala sa libro, pero tulad nga ng pagbabasa ng mga libro, sa dulo ay kailangan rin kitang isara. You are my shortest yet most painful story to tell. Para kang lalaking nasa panaginip lamang nag e-exist, pero tulad nga ng mga panaginip, sa dulo ay kailangan ko ring gumising. You are my shortest yet most painful dream to remember.

I will move on. Maybe in a year or 5 or 10 years, none of these things will even matter. Baka tawanan ko na lang 'to. I can literally imagine myself saying, "Leche bakit ako nagka ganun? Eh ang bilis lang ng time namin?"

Makakalimutan din kita. Balang araw.

Balang araw, 'pag nadaanan ko ang fastfood na paborito mo, 'di na ikaw maaalala ko.

Balang araw, 'pag narinig ko ang mga kantang kinakanta mo, di na boses mo ang maririnig ko.

Balang araw, 'pag nakita ko ang mga pelikulang gusto mo, 'di ko na maaalala kung paano mo kinuwento sakin lahat ito.

Balang araw, 'pag nakakakita ako ng mga tulang tungkol sa pagmamahal, 'di na ikaw ang maiiisip ko.

Balang araw, 'pag 11:11o 'pag may bulalakaw na dumaan, 'di na pangalan mo ang hihilingin ko.

Someday, even hearing my own name won't be as painful as it does right now, kasi sa sobrang mapaglaro ng tadhana, pati sa pangalan ko nakakabit ka.

You were my "right now" but now you became my "someday".

So goodbye and 'til we cross paths again or should I say 'til fate play games on us again.

You will always be my soulmate.

PS: I blocked you 'di ko kasi mapigilan na i-stalk ka. I'm not bitter, I just want to forget everything and start over with a clean slate when 2017 comes.

c
2015
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Pila Ulit Pila