Secret Files PH

My once upon a time, but not my happy ending.

My once upon a time, but not my happy ending.

Way back 2011, 1st year high school. Classmate tayo. Hindi kita close. Nawi-weirduhan ako sayo non. Kasi naman 1st day of school, nakasalamin na itim na itim na para bang bulag tas sobrang puti mo pa. Hahaha mukha kang timang non. Yun pala may sore eyes ang kuya mo hahaha Nilapitan mo ko non at nagpakilala ka. Ang kulit kulit mo nga non eh! Lagi kang tumatabi sakin kahit na naka Alphabetically arranged tayo. Letter B yung surname ko, letter D ka naman. Di nagkakalayo hahaha. Kapag inuutusan ka ng teacher natin lagi mong nirerequest na isama ako, laging ako. Madalas napapagalitan tayo dahil sa kadaldalan nating dalawa. Kahit na nagtuturo yung teachers natin di natin maiwasan magdaldalan. Kwentuhan dito, kwentuhan doon, asaran, tawanan, ang hilig mo mag-joke at aminado naman ako na havey na havey yung jokes mo. You're really fun to be with and the best part of you that I like the most is your sense of humor, you really turns me on.

You always make me happy in a way no one else can. The way you laugh, makes me smile. The way you talk, gives me butterflies, and there's something in my mind that keeps me bothering. I questioned myself that time. ""Am I inlove with him?"" myghaad! I don't even know what to do. I don't even understand myself. It was really unexpected! Why? Because he is gay. Pero hindi katulad ng mga gay na babae kung pumorma, nagmemake-up, mga ganon. And yes, nafall na ako sayo non. Wala eh. Iba talaga pag puso ang tinamaan. Hahaha charot! But I keep it to myself kasi nga alam kong hindi siya magkakagusto sa isang tulad ko na babae. We became best friends. And I know na hanggang doon nalang yon. Ayoko rin naman umamin dahil baka masira lang yung friendship namin.

Then this unexpected thing happened. November 25, 2011. Friday night. Sinagot kita. Torpe mo nga non eh. Kaklase pa natin yung gumawa ng paraan para maging tayo. ""Tulay"" nga ika nila. Haha. I never knew that it could happen. Until now, I dont even know the reason why. All I know is, I love you. Yeah, I really do. I love you because I love you. I love you for no reason. I can't explain it. We're so happy. We're perfectly imperfect. I don't care kahit na ang lambot mo kumilos, coz I love the way you are. The important thing is you really made me feel that you want me, you need me and you love me. Minsan masaya. minsan malungkot. Nagkakatampuhan, nag-aaway, selos dito, selos doon pero in the end of the day, nagkakaayos naman. We've been through ups and downs, In good times and in bad times. Tall, White, & Handsome? Yes, you are. Matalino pa. Volleyball player. Singer. Dancer. Im so proud to have you. Kahit na hinuhusgahan tayo ng ibang tao, kahit na inaasar ako na ang boyfriend ko daw ay bakla. Gosh. Im so lucky kaya. Basta mahal kita, yun na yon. Ang daming nagkakagusto sayo pero ako yung minahal mo. We do holding hands. Cuddlings. Dates. Hahaha! Pero habang tumatagal tayo, nagbabago ka. Hindi ko alam kung bakit. Hindi ko alam kung may nagagawa akong mali sayo. You made mistakes. You cheated on me, not once, not twice, hindi ko na alam kung ilan. But I chose to forget it and start it over again. Oo, nagkaayos tayo but I didn't expect that you will do it again. You cheated on me. Again. You lied. You chose that girl over me. In 4 years & 7 months, I chose to stay despite of all the things you've done. I gave you chances. But I guess it's not enough for you to stay. Like, Did I really mean that little to you? Cause you left me so easily? Almost like I was nothing.

Pinipilit kong ayusin yung relationship natin that time, pero ang gusto mo ay ""Space"". Do you think that's the right thing to do? Hell no! It hurts me. A lot. I was there for you when no one else was. I was there supporting you. I was there accepting all your apologies just to make things alright. I was there loving you, being loyal, faithful to you. I've seen you at your worst but I still think you're the best, and you left me all of a sudden? But all I want for you is to be happy even though your happiness is not with me anymore. So, I gave up. I gave up not because I don't love you anymore, but because I'm tired. I left because you never ask me to stay. Mahal na mahal kita, pero masakit na. Mahal na mahal kita, pero hindi ko na kaya. Paano ako lalaban kung ang gusto kong ipaglaban ay sumuko na?

Classmate. Friend. Bestfriend. Officially in a Relationship. My Bestbud. My Brother. My Human diary. My Other half. My happy pill. My Foodbuddy. My Chevyburger buddy. My Prince. My Jack. My Romeo. My Superman. My Boyfriend. My man. And now, My EX. 3 months na ang nakalipas simula nung nagbreak tayo. Fresh pa haha I can still remember those days. The day you cheated on me. The day I caught you & The day you chose that girl over me.

November 25. supposed to be our 5th year anniversary. But sad to say, wala na. Yes, I'm still into you. Pero makakamove on din ako. Thank you for 4 years & 7 months. You made my whole world go round. You made my whole world stand still. You made my life worth living and there's so much to be thankful for. So, Thank you for everything. Thank you for the efforts, the gifts, the letters. Thank you for loving me, for making me special. Thank you for being there when no one else was, even though you fucking left too. The best time for new beginnings, is now. So, I think it's time to let you go. And that's so hard to do because some part of me will be in love with you for the rest of my life. But the daydreaming, the running in place, it's not healthy. So this is me, cutting the cord. This is me doing what I should have done months ago, saying goodbye! It may be hard for a while, but eventually i'm going to find the good in goodbye. How lucky i am to have something that makes saying Goodbye so hard. Hahaha! Memories? I'll take it with me to be my sunshine after the rain.

To that girl, pls don't hurt him. And you, I know na masaya ka with her and I don't want to ruin your happiness. I hope you realize your importance not only to me, but to everyone who has been lucky enough to know you. I hope you know that you're feeling down, I only ever strive for your happiness. I hope you remember that no matter what, I'm here for you and I fully intended of saying this for quite some time. I hope you recognize the fact that I appreciate and adore you without restraints, and that will never ever change. Take care always, huh? Magdala ka lagi ng payong mo, di ka kasi mahilig magdala non e. Okay lang maulanan, basta walang dalang payong haha Baliw. So weird. Hahaha! And last, You'll always be my sweetest downfall. Goodbye.

Monalisa
2014
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