Author's Games: Star Wars

Auditions Feedback

I'm going to post a little feedback about your guys' auditions that way you know what you have to work on for your first entries. 

Remember that I might sound harsh, but I tried to point out everyone's weaknesses that way you guys can improve! I also told you what your strengths are, so you can use them to help you improve. This is about having fun, but I also want to help you writers become better. 

JesterheadJohnSnow - Your entry was really good.  However, you had a lot of longer sentences that could have been ended sooner. But my main concern was you switched tenses several times and it took me out of the story. With that being said, your strengths is that you know Star Wars really well. Your creativity in the writing itself, taking a scene the fans know and making it your own. You character portrayal, as well, is another strength. Work to fix your weaknesses and use your strengths to your advantage and you'll do fine. 

Glittery_grumpycat handed in an audition but hasn't commented for a spot. If you want, you can have the one I'm filling in for - Primitive Male. Your weakness was in the dialogue tags. After a quotation, you don't always have to have a "he said, she said." You can do an action, which makes for better flow. "Take out the dog," she said... verses "Take out the dog." My mom glared at me. That being said, I loved the creativity of your entry, which is your major strength. You took a concept of a brief scene, and completely added so much to it, giving the character a background and making me feel for it. There was a ton of feels, and an epic ending. Use your strengths, which far outweigh your weaknesses. 

music1or1books - I was impressed with your entry because I didn't see any mistakes. You're also not a Star Wars fan and I couldn't tell from your writing. I think that will be your major weakness in this competition, but you didn't let it stop you the first time. Your entry was descriptive, instantly helping me to picture the scene in my mind. You also took a character I like (Obi-Wan) and got me inside his head and gave me a new perspective on his personality. Beautifully written; keep it up!

Gwegowy_Jaeger - Your entry definitely kept me hooked the entire time. However, your weakness was that you failed to follow the task and do a scene from the movie. You did mention the approximate time period (probably during Episode Six I'm guessing). Your strengths is that you were concise and clear with your descriptions, making it easy for me to see the scene in my head. You did a lot of character development in the brief scene as well, and gave me the feels for what was going on. Use your strengths and be sure to read every chapter in here and follow the tasks and you'll do fine. 

Credence_Blake - Your entry was full of punctuation and grammer mistakes (run-on sentences, no punctuation after dialogue and paragraphs weren't properly entered down), taking me out of the entry. With that being said, your action scene was all very intense and well written and you portrayed all the characters correctly, getting me inside Anakin's head very well). Just be sure to read through your entries to fix the syntax errors. 

Several7s - Similiar to music1or1books, your main weakness in this will be that you don't know Star Wars. However, you aren't going to let that stop you and you certainly didn't in this entry. You told me you watched this scene on YouTube and already you're writing Star Wars better than I can and I've been a fan for years. It was very descriptive, keeping me engaged through the whole thing. Your use of advanced vocabulary matured your writing and it was a new, interesting take on Windu! Keep up the good work and research and you'll do fine. 

Silvermask_ghost - Watch your commas. Occasionally, I saw some missing, but it wasn't enough to take away from your entry. It was extremely well written. I loved your new characterization on Dooku... it was new and intriguing to get inside his head. The fight was intense and amazing, making for a very interesting and visual read. Your writing style is so beautiful. Keep up the good work and read through waiting for pauses to fix the comma problem. Good job!

wynterblack - First off, you aren't a Star Wars fan and I'm jealous because I can't compete with your writing. With that being said, your weakness in this is going to be the fact that you don't know Star Wars. However, with your entry I couldn't even tell. It was emotional, as well as impressive. I really felt for the character, finally able to get inside the mind of a Jedi as they watch their friends and comrades dying around them. I know you'll do just fine with the research (which all the information on the Jedi that you need for your character is in a previous chapter so check it out for help). 

CCWinters - I didn't see a single mistake. o.o You're a Star Wars fan and you definitely had the scene perfect. It was interesting to get inside Sidious' head, especially with your use of vocabulary to make for an extremely vivid scene. I also got lots of feels throughout the entire thing. Color me impressed; keep up the amazing work. Just be careful not to relax on a task, thinking that you'll do fine. Stay focused! 

wordsmith- - WHAT IS IT WITH ALL YOU NON STAR WARS FAN WRITING THESE AUDITIONS LIKE YOU ARE EXPERTS? Okay, sorry. I'm getting jealous of all these non-fans writing Star Wars scenes better than me. Needless to say, I was impressed. You even said that the scene wasn't very good and here I am with nothing negative to say. The only thing you can work on is just researching for Star Wars, but you got this (just like all the other non-fans in this competition). 

ariel_paiement1 - Your entry was probably the most emotional. The whole time I was just getting Obi feels, Padme feels, Anakin feels, just everybody feels. I wish I had more information for you so you can improve, but you're doing great and don't need any improvement. Keep it up! I'm also critiquing your prequels since I've read them all. So far, your characters are strong. Just be sure to keep it realistic in the way they would act based off of who you have chosen and the place they live in, as well as the bad guys they're up against. 

ZSB2000 - SO MANY ANAKIN FEELS. Your entry was perfect. I loved your stucture and how well everything flowed together. JUST DONT LOSE YOUR ENTHUSIASM AND KEEP UP THIS GREAT WORK. 

 Spiderstring- I loved your entry so much. However, you did have several typos that briefly took me out of it, which is your only weakness that I can see. Your scene filled me with so many Anidala feels. Your writing is strong, especially with all the metaphors and descriptive way your writing style is. Use this as you write future entries and you'll do fine. Just remember to do a quick read through before you send in so you catch all the typos in the future!

-ModernWarfare- - You had a lot of run on sentences and your paragraphs were long which took me out of your entry. The dialogue also didn't match, which inticates that you didn't spend much time working on your entry. I did like your strong characterization of Anakin and Padme both. Just remember to spend more time on future entries to help you improve. 

If I missed anyone, I'm so sorry, please let me know! I hope this helps!