Author's Games: Star Wars

Sponsorship Task: Feedback

For you Authors Games Veterans who know me, I know this isn't as much feedback as you're used to and I apologize for that. I tried to be more direct than usual, listing both positives and negatives while focusing on where each of you guys can improve. With that being said, anyone who does not know me or hasn't competed in an Authors Games before, everything I say is to help you improve your writing and is not meant to be harsh. If you have any questions, concerns or want to know more, feel free to message me. I really don't mind. 

Here's your feedback (in order from highest score to lowest)

2 Bounty Hunter Female Verita – 12.9

Your loss of 0.1 point came in because you had one punctuation mistake. What I loved was how realistic it was - when her ears popped. Isaos' death absolutely made me tear up and I definitely got the feels for her! Her emotions were also so well described that I felt everything with her. You also really showed her fear. What you can work on is just one last quick read through to catch the small, overlooked mistakes. Fantastic job!

4 Slaver Female Suljuuk Pornh – 12.9

Your loss of 0.1 point came in because I felt like you could have been just a tad bit more creative with the events in the task as a whole, and in making it your own. However, your descriptions were beautiful. Your twist with her fear being lack of emotion was extremely well thought out and I definitely got feels for her in her death scene. What you can work on is adding a little more creative spark to the events in the task. Excellent job!

6 Slave Female Zillah – 12.9

Your loss of 0.1 point came in from when you mentioned that the doors swung open when in Star Wars, doors don't swing open, so it wasn't accurate. Her emotions were described so well that I was able to feel what she felt and you did a great job getting me into her head and feeling for her. Anarchy's death broke my heart and I got the feels and I loved your twist with Agruss. What you can work on is double checking to make sure everything is how it's supposed to be in Star Wars. Great job!

10 Smuggler Female Sarilea Valkir – 12.9

Your point loss came in from two punctuation mistakes. They were both minor. "infinite universe surrounded them" was such a descriptive line... I am so impressed. Your descriptions were absolutely beautiful! I really got the feels for Marc's death and her death scene. What you can work on is reading through to make sure you catch the small mistakes. Great job!

14 Citizen Female Jenaara Kalor – 12.9

Your point loss came from lack of action scene realism. The droid got inside the room but it was never explained how, especially since that would have been impossible, it was highly important to explain it. It was really creative for you to bring her family into it, which really gave me the feels for her father's death. You also had strong characterization with her. What you can work on is just double checking to make sure everything makes sense. Excellent job!

15 Primitive Male Fidget – 12.8

Your mistakes came from three spelling errors (typos) and three minor punctuation mistakes. This was just a story with a lot of feels. I literally was just a curled up ball of feels by the end of this, with tears in my eyes. How could you take a character so happy, cheerful and cute like an Ewok and HURT HIM SO BADLY?!?!?!?! *Sobs* All you need to work on is reading through it one more time to catch all your typos. Amazing job!

18 Jedi Male Kanan – 12.8

These are comments directly from my husband about my entry.

Your total score was 12.8, the mistakes being a grammar mistake about the description on her lekku and a punctuation mistake with a missed comma. When I was reading, I could hear Vader's voice. It felt very Star Wars and very realistic to me. Even her reasons for betraying him were realistic even though as a reader, you hated that she did it. I easily got into Kanan's character and felt for what he was going through. The epic twist at the end was really good. I expected her to kill him, not her to die first. There toward the end your descriptions kind of fell off, but we were hooked into the story enough that we kept reading anyway. If you can improve the description and still maintain that level of flow in the future, then your entries will be perfect.