Author's Games: Star Wars

Task Four: Feedback

Slave Female Sul-Juuk - 13

AMAZING! The way you described the Force from a non-user's perspective, without actually mentioning the word Force was so unique and creative! I loved your entry and everything about it. Her emotions after being such an emotionless character combined with her daughter and the feels for both of them just drew me in. You made me really hope she wins and leaving me needing to read more! 

Citizen Female Jenaara - 13

No mistakes! More than that, you kept me engaged. My eyes slid across the screen, reading faster and faster and faster. Including Kanan and Adaara was amazing... Adaara's death was heart-wrenching but what made it good was the fact that it was so sudden and unexpected. Kanan's reaction really made it full of feels. Bringing Jenaara's father was another surprise and then how she slaughtered people was another one. You brought her straight to the dark side! 

Sith Male Yuurei - 13

The only thing that I saw I would fix would be that you mentioned Adaara's hair getting grabbed when she's a Togrutan and they have lekku... not hair. But I didn't count off for it, since it's not technically a mistake. You had absolutely fantastically vivid descriptions. What happened to Yuurei was agonizing, making me cringe the whole time. You were true to Adaara's character and her death was so sad! You used such sadistic tactics and I really, truly felt for him. This is what I expected and this is what I would have considered perfect. 

Trader Male Mayek - 12.9

Your descriptions were very strong, especially of the guards. YOU SAID IT YOU SAID THE LINE... 

"I've got a bad feeling about this!" I'm still fangirling haha. You had one typo... JUST ONE. (you used heart instead of hear). Mayek's children were SO CUTE and they gave me so many FEELS especially his daughter. I actually hoped he would give in to the Dark Side just to save them but then he denied it and I'm left freaking out for the children's sake. I have to know what happens next. I was a little upset that it was so short, but the way you wrote it made the length almost realisic in a way. 

Jedi Male Kanan - 12.9

I only saw one mistake—Kanan should have sliced his lightsaber across Aevo's neck not his head... Lol. Other than that, perfect. You did such a good impression of Palpatine and really made me hear his voice. The whole entry really felt like Star Wars and I am very impressed. It was awesome. 

Bounty Hunter Male Sha'ar Kagle - 12.7

You had six grammar mistakes (one missing word and trouble with your tenses) and two punctuation mistake, which is the reason for your 0.3 points taken off. I loved Aevo's death... you stayed true to his character. I also love Sha'ar's passion and feelings toward everyone and everything that the rebels have suffered. GAH. The ending killed me. OMG. I HAVE TO KNOW WHAT HAPPENS NEXT. 

Citizen Male Aevo - 0

Jedi Female Adaara - 0

I dropped them both out to be fair to you guys!