One Shots Book

Leaving (KSimon)

People Involved: Simon, JJ, Ethan
Ships: possible KSimon, maybe hinted Emon
Word Count: 1911
Idea: Just my crazy version of the KSI vs SDMN beef. I know I'm a little late, but sh, it's okay.
Extra Notes: Why did I take so long to write this? Because I have ADD. Which means I can't focus on one thing for too long. It's okay though, I'm always late to the cool stuff ;))) I SWEAR I TRIED TO POST THIS YESTERDAY AND IT WOULDN'T WORK AND THEN LIFE GOT HECTIC. SORRY. Until next time, Peace my Cheeses! I love you all <3

Simon had always been insecure. Anyone who had seen the blond, even if only through watching his videos, could tell immediately. It was the way he behaved when confronted by new people or new situations. He went silent, only joining in occasionally. Anyone could pick up on it, and probably brush it off as simply a shy personality.

They didn't know the half of it.

There were some days where Simon just couldn't look at himself in the mirror. Some days where Simon wanted to scream and curse himself out for not being perfect. Some days where the idea of sitting in front of a camera made him feel ill. Some days where he didn't even want to get up out of bed. And recently, it had only been getting worse. At this point, Simon didn't even want to leave his room. Simply because he knew once one of the other boys would see him, he'd be given those sympathetic looks and they'd treat him differently. He didn't want differently, he wanted everything to just be normal again.

In a desperate reach to find comfort once more, Simon distanced himself. He recorded solo, as it gave him room to fuck up and get rid of it. He never really recorded with the other Sidemen, but it wasn't really their faults. He needed a change. Hence why when he did record with the others, it was set up so formally and so much effort was put into it. He couldn't let the others worry anymore. He was fine. Everything was fine. Nothing was wrong.

Except, everything was wrong.

It had been ever since JJ left.

JJ had run off to another country far away, saying he needed time to figure himself out. Simon had sworn it would be fine, that he could hold up on his own. JJ needed to find himself, and Simon would respect that. But it wasn't fine. Simon found himself unravelling, his grip on reality slowly fading. But he wouldn't dare bother JJ. JJ needed to be alone during this. He couldn't be bothered with Simon's problems. He spent too much time caring for Simon instead of himself.

It was during these times he found himself reflecting back on how it had started.

It was following their bad fight, Simon's parents having JJ over for the night. Simon wanted nothing to do with the boy, even if he had no reason to dislike him. Simon had given JJ the controller to play Fifa, instead staring off out the window. They were sat in Simon's room, the only noises coming from the game on the TV. It was quiet, and Simon appreciated the silence compared to what it was normally like. JJ eventually paused the game, placing down the controller. Simon looked at him curiously, awaiting an explanation. What JJ did say came as a surprise to Simon.

"You do realize I don't really mean the things I say about you, right?"

Simon looks frozen for a minute, slightly shocked by the sudden change in the mood. JJ seemed so sincere, so honest. Simon thought on about what JJ had said about him, finding nothing incorrect about it. Simon shook his head, looking away from JJ.

"You're right anyway, no need to apologize for it."

Before Simon could comprehend what was happening, he was pushed down onto his mattress. JJ was straddling him, sitting on the taller boy's stomach. JJ held Simon's hands to the bed with one of his own, the other cupping Simon's chin.