Sex, Love, and Basketball *Books 1 and 2* (Slowly Editing)

48. YT People Sh*t

Excuse any grammatical errors or mistakes.

(AN: I am not an expert on depression, so if you feel anything is inaccurate, don't attack me. 🤗 )

Nadia

I was extremely embarrassed about my little episode this morning and that's why I snuck out of Dani's room when I woke up. It was the afternoon now and I wanted to be alone. Just as Jayla predicted, I had a massive headache.

This wasn't anything new, but it hadn't happened in so long. Back when Jayla and I were together, I'd have days where I'd wake up feeling an overwhelming amount of sadness. Other days it was anger. Sometimes, it was nothing; I felt disconnected from reality.

I didn't know if that was a normal part of depression or if it was something else wrong with me.

I think the whole issue with Dani was the cause of what happened this morning, but when I think about that, it doesn't make me sad anymore. I'm over that, so it has to be something else. Unfortunately, I didn't know what that something else was. I never did. Like Jayla said, it was just one of those days.

I was a little angry with myself about it happening. I felt like an ex drug addict that slipped back into those toxic old habits. I was doing so well and I'm back at square one. If this is depression related, I understand that depression isn't something that goes away. You have good days and bad days. You might even have good months, like I've been having.

I felt so strong because I hadn't been taking my meds and I was doing fine, but if I'm turning back into the old Nadia, I might need to start taking them again. I don't want to scare Dani away like I scared Jayla away. My meds usually led to my suicidal thoughts. I don't want to be that sad girl again. Not that I ever really stopped being her. I hate what my meds turn me into. I'm either a robot or I have those stupid thoughts.

I was sitting on the toilet lid with my pill bottle in my hands. I hadn't taken one since high school. I removed the lid from the pill bottle, but I couldn't bring myself to take a pill out. I was supposed to take one everyday, but I'd been flushing them instead. I've gone this long without them and today was just a minor set back. I was already sad from the stuff that happened yesterday, so maybe it's normal that I woke up sad. I'm not really sad now and I'm usually sad all day when I have these episodes.

I closed the pill bottle and returned it to it's spot behind the mirror in the bathroom. I didn't need them. I'm fine. I just overreacted about everything. I'm fine.

"Nadia?" Chastity spoke through the bathroom door. "Are you okay? You've been in there for a while."

She sounded concerned. She didn't have a reason to be. I'm fine.

"I'm fine. Did you need to use the bathroom or something?"

"No, I just wanted to make sure you were okay because usually when you lock yourself in the bathroom it's because something's wrong."

I really appreciated Chastity for being so caring. She's a good friend to me despite my issues.

"I'm okay." I said opening the bathroom door and existing the bathroom.

"You look like you've been crying." Chastity gave me a dubious look.

"I woke up feeling sad for reasons I can't really explain, but I promise you, I'm fine now."

She still looked skeptical, but she seemed to let it go.

"Okay, well if you're really okay, I need you to look at this and tell me what you think."