counting change | yoonminseok

060

Jimin felt sick.

There were so many things that he hazily remembered from being in little space and he didn't know what to think about it. The most scary thing to him though at that moment was something he couldn't run away from, himself.

He as a little had so readily accepted the fact that as a punishment he deserved to be drowned. It had been years since he last was subjected to a punishment like that and he completely forgot about it except for the odd nightmare every now and then. But when the situation arose he had completely just prepared for himself to be slammed into a bathtub again.

His little space was supposed to be filled with innocence and happiness. Jiminie was his stress free zone except for the fact that his eating disorder seemed to trail into it too. He was fine with that, he was happy that even in little space he made sure to watch his calories so he wouldn't puke when he was in big space again. 

What he was not okay with was the fact that his little self thought he deserved to be punished.

"I even hate myself in little space." The boy mumbled as he sat on the subway making his way home. "I hate myself."

Jimin did hate himself and he lived with that. He just figured as soon as he lost enough weight he could learn to love himself again and everything would be fine. His little self was a child and the fact that he hated himself then as well was terrifying for him. 

So he couldn't run away from his main problem but there were many other things he had happened to run away from too. Mainly it was Yoongi and Hoseok as he didn't want to talk to them about his eating disorder.

Did he really have an eating disorder? He never thought of it like that. He was just skipping some corners to get pretty that's all. But Jin kept saying that he used to have similar habits like he did and he called himself anorexic and bulimic when he had those habits.

Jimin didn't like those labels, they made things seem a lot more scary than they already were.

Thinking over it he also ran away from Namjoon and Jin. He was so grateful that they didn't tell his boyfriends how they knew each other and he felt bad leaving them at the apartment. He didn't want Yoongi or Hoseok to be angry at them as he was happy that those two kept their promise and didn't break his trust. 

But here he was just running away and to where? He got off at the subway near his apartment complex and stopped to think. He didn't have his phone on him so going back to the complex seemed like the thing to do. He didn't want to be stuck in public but he didn't want to be alone right now either. But who was he supposed to go to?

Taehyung and Jungkook seemed like the only options for him but he really didn't want to have to deal with them. He still felt slightly hurt over the whole Taehyung implying he was a slut situation and he didn't know if his boyfriends had mentioned his eating disorder to them.

His eating disorder, oh god, the thought of that made Jimin want to puke. 

If he had just eaten that piece of celery things never would have gotten this complicated and he still would be at his boyfriends apartment right now. It was supposed to be their apartment but he had already caused such a mess in this entire situation. 

"I'm such a fucking mess." Jimin muttered as he stood in the elevator going to his apartment. "What am I supposed to do to fix this?"

He sighed as the elevator doors opened and he made his way through the hallway. As he made his way slowly to his apartment he began to groan realizing he didn't have his apartment key on him. 

He was stuck not even able to get into his own apartment since he left all his stuff at his boyfriends apartment, great! He could easily just ask Jungkook and Taehyung for the spare key he gave them and pray that they wouldn't question him.

There was no way they wouldn't question him. Looking down on himself he could see that he was still slightly soaking wet from being in the bath and he was sure his eyes were red and puffy. He was wearing a sweater with some shorts  so he was eternally grateful he hadn't been in some embarrassing little space outfit as he didn't even think of his appearance before running away.

"I can't really do anything else but ask them for my spare key. I'll get a cold if I don't." He mumbled as he was about to pass his apartment but then stopped. "Wait, what?"

He looked and saw his apartment door slightly open and he tilted his head. He could of sworn he had locked it when he left so why was it open? He remembered something before he slipped into little space about Taehyung texting him about his apartment, what was it again?

He couldn't seem to remember, his head was too fuzzy from all the things he'd been through.

"It was something about my apartment being unlocked, right?" He whispered to himself as he struggled to think of what it was. He slowly pushed his door open and looked inside frowning when he saw nothing was different. "Well I wasn't robbed I guess but why was my door open?"

He felt uneasy but that could have just been because of everything he had just been through. He already was mentally drained and struggling to remember what Taehyung had texted him was just making him feel more tired. 

"What the hell did he even send?" Jimin groaned as he put a hand to his head and noting everything seemed to be in place. He wasn't scared anymore about it being unlocked instead he was more annoyed he couldn't seem to remember. "This curiosity is literately going to kill me."

He made his way to the kitchen deciding to grab a glass of water since his stomach was still growling from not eating today. The pink haired boy decided that going to bed was probably going to be his number one priority and he could think about his situation tomorrow.

As he got his glass of water he turned and froze as he looked at the table. He slowly went towards it and grabbed onto it realizing that it was his old pacifier he lost in high school.

"This shouldn't be here." Jimin muttered as he placed his glass of water down to examine the object more thoroughly. "I would have remembered if I still had this."

Suddenly his mind seemed to piece together and he quickly dropped the pacifier. The unknown number, his apartment being unlocked, his old pacifier from high school being found they all led him to being overwhelmed with anxiety and he crouched down to the ground trying to focus solely on breathing.

He could hear the footsteps now and he so desperately was trying to think of what to do. He was too panicked to think about hiding and he didn't even have his phone to message his friends. 

"You never responded back to my texts, Jiminie."

School starts for me in like two weeks? Maybe one week? I'm not exactly sure I haven't looked into it at all and I forgot school is like a mandatory thing. If you guys go to school when do you start it?