counting change | yoonminseok

102

Jimin stared at the television screen a movie that he hadn't seen before playing. He didn't really care what it was about but he kept his eyes glued to it as he was scrunched up on a side of the couch with his blanket. 

Jin and Namjoon were cuddled up a bit further away from him and both had fallen asleep very quickly into the movie. It gave Jimin time to just sit and think again and he didn't know whether to be thankful or scared because of that. 

He was wishing he had stayed at Sungwoon's house but at the same time was glad he didn't.  In his mind he had made a big step towards his recovery although he couldn't help but feel guilty with how he was treating his boyfriends.

He wasn't trying to hurt their feelings but he felt like that was all he was able to do at this point. When he had first flinched hearing them call him babe he knew that it was going to be rough being around them. Everything they did just made him think about how Bon Hwa had done the same to him and made him feel revolted.

But the look on their faces when he had said he wanted to stay with Jin and Namjoon was implemented in Jimin's mind and made him feel horrible. Choosing to stay here had hurt his boyfriends even more and that made him feel horrendous.

"Jimin?" Jin said as he pushed himself up making sure not to wake Namjoon as he separated himself from him. "You're not asleep yet?"

"I'm not tired."

"Okay, do you want to watch a different show?" The older said as he grabbed onto the remote and offered it to him. "Or maybe play puzzle or something else?"

"Something else?" Jimin replied as he looked at Jin who already was staring at him. He knew what the older was hinting at but was astonished that he actually was bringing it up. So far everyone had been avoiding those topics since he didn't want to discuss them. "What do you mean by that?"

"You haven't been in little space for a while and it seems like that's a red flag. I mean you had told me you didn't slip that much when it was just Taehyung and Jungkook looking after you but now that you've adapted to having Hoseok and Yoongi it seems weird you haven't slipped. Sungwoon mentioned something about you slipping while you were stuck there but it looks like you haven't slipped since. Usually littles slip when they see other littles but when you saw Kookie you seemed almost scared of him."

"I didn't expect you to be so direct about this."

"I didn't expect you to choose to stay with Namjoon and I instead of Sungwoon. It shows you're trying to make progress instead of just sticking with him."

"You really think so?" Jimin responded as he looked down at his hands sighing. "I was trying to make progress but Hoseok and Yoongi just looked so hurt that I stayed with you guys. It almost was like they would have preferred me to stay with Sungwoon."

"It's understandable that they'd be hurt. Yoongi is childhood friends with Namjoon and I plus Hoseok has known us for a couple years. You haven't really known us that long at all so they were hurt thinking you'd feel safer being with us than them."

Jimin hummed in response as he looked back at the television not really caring what was going on. Jin seemed to not push him any further in a conversation which the younger was grateful for but he knew he needed to try his best to progress getting better. 

"Hey hyung? How exactly were you able to, you know, get better with eating?"

"Namjoon helped me every step of the way. My parents were always torn on what they wanted to plan for my life but the one thing they agreed on was they wanted me to look my best. My dad wanted me to become some CEO of a company and my mother wanted me to be a supermodel. They always put me on intense diets and made me work out for hours each day hoping it would keep me in shape but I just felt miserable. Eventually they ingrained it in me that eating food would end up ruining my life so I just naturally avoided it and thought that fainting and always feeling horrendous was a part of life. 

"But you look so good now! You didn't need to skip meals to look amazing."

"I know, and Namjoon helped me realize that." The older said smiling as he looked at his still sleeping boyfriend. "You need to be confident in yourself. Namjoon helped me when I was the most vulnerable  and he helped me learn to love myself."

"Was it difficult?" The younger boy said as he looked at Jin his face frowning. "How long did it take you to get better?"

"Jimin you can't go comparing yourself to me, we're completely different people. Just know that we'll all be here to help you with eating again, okay?"

"I think I'm going to go rest in the guest room," Jimin said as he got up off the couch walking towards the hallway. "Goodnight Jin hyung."

"Goodnight Jimin."

The younger couldn't help but stop once hearing that the silence in the room seeming to envelop him. He knew that Jin had seen him stop walking and probably was staring at him but he didn't push him and ask anything about it. The younger really wanted to progress without straining himself and was desperately trying to think of how to do it.

"Hey hyung? Do you think after my therapy session we can dye my hair?" The boy said as he lifted his hand to move through his now blonde hair that showed his roots. "And maybe try to eat something other than celery tomorrow?"

"Of course, Jimin. " Jin replied his voice showing he obviously was happy seeing that the younger was trying his best. "We can do whatever you want."

"Thank you hyung," Jimin responded as he started walking again heading to the guest room to hope to get some sleep. "Goodnight."

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