counting change | yoonminseok

100

Jimin felt conflicted.

He was staring at himself in the mirror looking at how his bones seemed to pop out of his body which showed how he was malnourished. His weight was something he struggled with and now after everything he had been through once again, he couldn't find a proper way to feel about it.

He knew that it wasn't good to be this skinny but why did he find himself feeling proud? 

The thought of eating still seemed nauseating to him but he knew he needed to do it. Bon Hwa was the one who wanted him to be this skinny and he didn't want to let himself fall even more underweight just because of that man. 

He had been struggling with eating while Bon Hwa had locked up people and starving them. Jimin couldn't find a way to make himself feel good about skipping meals when thinking about that. 

Sungwoon would want him to eat properly so he was trying to at least gain a few pounds.

"This isn't good," he mumbled to himself as he let his finger traces his ribs feeling how delicate they were. "Being unhealthy isn't good."

The scares on his body were starting to fade but they still were obviously there. He didn't like staring at the words that he had traced onto his skin but the thought that they weren't going to stay there forever was comforting for him. He was starting to feel better about himself and the thought that he'd get to see Sungwoon soon was making him feel happy.

He hadn't talked much to his boyfriends or anyone else for that matter. He didn't know what he was supposed to say or even do in response to their statements. He knew they were avoiding asking about what had happened but whenever he looked at them all he saw was pity and curiosity.

He didn't want to talk about how Bon Hwa had forced him or that he couldn't find it in himself to even want to slip into little space. That seemed terrifying, he hadn't even known that he could survive without slipping in little space for so long. 

"Jimin, are you okay?" He heard Yoongi say as he knocked on the bathroom door. "You've been in there for a while."

"I'm fine," he said gulping as he began to place on his clothes already having put gel onto the scares to help them fade away. "I'll be out in a second."

He knew that keeping stuff like that away from them would only make things worse but he didn't think he could mentally handle telling them what had been done to him. He didn't want them to think any lesser of him than they already obviously did so he was going to just pretend it never had happened and act like everything was fine.

Except he still couldn't help but feel like Bon Hwa's hands were hovering over him.

"Fine, I'm fine," Jimin said as he looked at himself in the mirror on more time his clothes covering all the scars on his body and the protruding bones. "Everything is fine."

He opened the door and walked back into his hospital room noting how everything seemed to be packed up. Mina had mentioned something about how it might be better leaving him in the hospital for a longer amount of time so he could gain more weight but Jin had been the one to say how that might be a bad idea. 

Jimin had never felt more grateful for Jin than at that moment.

He didn't want to gain weight but he was trying his best to at least attempt to, after all, Sungwoon was doing the same thing. He was going to therapy as well so Jimin didn't feel as bad about having to go but he couldn't help but feel bad for the older. He was trying his best not to pity Sungwoon as he himself knew how horrendous it was to have friends look at you in pity.

"Can we go see Sungwoon now?"

"Of course! His checkout time is the same as yours anyway," Hoseok said as Yoongi nodded in response, "so he should already be downstairs."