Project: Socialize (Chapters 1-197)

138. Intermission

Our time at the air hockey table soon came to an end when the mixed duos match was over. The end result: we lost. Loyd and I mostly allowed Irina and Luna to play and when we had to join in, we did so by going easy and somewhere around their skill level. Because of this and the fact that this was Irina's first time playing, we were unable to score more points than the other team and lost. 

Even though Irina appeared to have had plenty of fun, she still appeared apologetic towards me after the match, probably thinking that I might be disappointed in the fact that we lost. I think she understood that neither Loyd nor I were giving it all that round, but she still took the full responsibility for the defeat. I admire this part about her. Despite her appearance as someone who  might appear quite reckless due to her outgoing nature, she's actually extremely considerate and adept at reading the atmosphere of things, which I attribute to her experience in the entertainment scene.

"Why would you think I would get mad over losing a game?" I sighed and shook my head in disbelief.

"I know you wouldn't," she whispered. "It's just that no one likes to lose and just in case you were somewhat unhappy."

"Did you have fun?" I interrupted her with that simple question in which she responded with a nod of her head."Then that's the whole point."

"Right..." she smiled and blushed slightly as she turned her head slightly so that it was facing down.

I studied her suddenly shy behavior, taking into account what had happened and my experiences with her in order to try and decipher the reason for it. Based on what I know, there really shouldn't be many factors that would make her act this way, that is except the one about feelings towards someone of the opposite gender. However, that's impossible. Her status and mine are just polar extremes so there's no way she might have any hints of romantic affection towards me. Even if she does, it'll never come to fruition as there's just such a great difference in our identities that it's just unrealistic to even think this way. Besides, I wouldn't want her to be subjected to a future that most definitely will be lacking in joy and happiness because I am unable to give anyone a warm and bright future. This path of darkness and bone chilling cold, let me be the only one that has to walk down it.

I glanced over at Loyd and Luna, watching as the two chatted with smiles on their faces while Irina went over to Muria and talked about her experience. I kept my eyes fixed on the Loyd and Luna, taking in that smile on Luna's face as she spoke with great enthusiasm fixed with her countenance as she spoke. Their conversation were mostly about the last air hockey match that we played since this was technically the first time that the two were able to speak, but gradually, the conversation shifted to weekend plans. When they began talking about maybe going out for a movie later during winter break, I slowly turned my head and looked away.

There's really no point in me considering what her relationship with other people were anymore. I know my role as the companion she had chosen to walk alongside her to her casket, and the job description of this role does not include regulating who she chooses to interact with. My job is simply to be there alongside her and accompany her until the very end, and to be really honest, it's a pretty expendable position. Anyone could take my spot, so even thought Luna made it seem as if I'm special, in all reality, I am not. I'm just someone random that just so happen to drew her attention as someone she could choose to accompany her until her soon death. Out of everyone that she knew that was not family, I will suffer from the most pain due to her, so there's really nothing that glorious or wonderful about my position. Rather, it's quite tedious, but that doesn't matter anymore. It is myself who had accepted this position and I will complete my obligations and walk her until she beds in her casket. 

"How did you get my phone?" I heard Zaksus ask Noah as he held his phone tightly to his chest with both hands.

"It was just in your pocket," Noah responded. "And since you weren't looking, I was like why not?"