Project: Socialize (Chapters 1-197)

141. End of the Session

"Let's use that table over there," I said out loud so as to progress the situation.

"R-right."   

Irina turned her head to face the table where I had set my PC, allowing me to catch a glimpse of her face. It was quite red, but I guess that's because she's probably still somewhat nervous or embarrassed that she's in a room alone with a boy. Or maybe she's actually mad right now that she has to be in my room with me. Like I know that I'm not the most likable person and everything.

Well, whatever the case maybe, I can sense that something is odd about her, but I know for sure it can't be anything involving romantic feelings because why would she ever fall for someone like me? If she is feeling something for me, then it isn't a genuine emotion of love but rather one of gratitude and reliance. Let's say it is true and she views me as someone she could possibly be with, but like I've stated before, this feeling is nothing more than a simply liking that she developed on her own end out of gratitude and reliance. Nothing in this feeling is similar to love. Therefore, nothing could possibly happen between the two of us. I will not allow her to be taken advantaged by me.

In order to make it seem as if everything was normal, I suppressed my own rapidly beating heart and continued on as if there's nothing out of the ordinary with her being in my room. As long as I can remain normal, then the atmosphere will make things back to the way it was before.

"You can sit down on the chair," I said, walking past her to set my stuff down on the desk.

As I walked by, I did not dare look over at her face. I don't know the reason as to why I didn't, but maybe it was out of fear I was probably afraid that if her countenance just so happened to confirm my suspicions, I would lose myself and be unable to refrain from taking advantage of her pure and innocent emotions.

If my hypothesis is correct, then this feeling she has for me of gratitude and reliance will gradually fade. As long as I keep treating her the same way as before, this feeling will gradually die out as she becomes bored by a lack of success on her end. That's just how everything in this world works. Time is the best medicine for all troubles one could possibly have. Maybe after Luna's passing, if enough time would past, things wouldn't be as bad. Even though I had promised her I would not forget her, time will distill the heavy emotional attachment I could possibly attach to memories of her. Slowly but surely, she will fade from my active memory and become merely a speck of numerous others in the deep storage within my brain that will only see the light of day when reminded of her existence.

This is the sad reality. One day, I'll have to leave this house, and that day might be sooner than I imagined. One day, once we graduate high school, our group would disperse and head our separate ways. There will be no possible way for us to maintain this relationship we have at the moment and we'll eventually fade from each other's memories. Nothing lasts forever but people are often blinded by the present to ponder this fact. That's why when it is lost and the veil fades away that one can truly see the value in what is lost and mourn its lost.

"Let's continue from before," I said, turning around finally to look at her.

Irina was still standing in the center of my room with her school bag hanging from her shoulder. Her face was still as red as before and she appeared quite nervous as she held her notebook in her arms. She avoided looking directly at me by turning her head to look away, but she would still occasionally glance over at me with her large blue eyes.

"W-what about you?" she then asked nervously. "You can't just stand there for the whole time."

"Well..." I looked around my room in search of anything that could act as a chair that I can pull up to the computer desk to sit on. However, as someone who usually never have any friends over, it's expected for me to not have anything to sit on for a second person.