The Advice Column III

456

Advice Request

This person wants advice on a relationship. 

Answeeed Submission 

Hello again!

Alrighty. Sit down and get ready, because we're about to get down to business. Here's the thing: this is not a healthy relationship. It's starting to sound codependent, and that is a bad road for the two of you to go down.

The often undisclosed part of relationships is that they hurt. Your significant other will hurt you. You will get angry and sad and feel a million different things. Relationships hurt, but there's a line which one should never cross. Never insult another's culture. People laugh and joke, and that's fine if that's how your dynamic works out. If you feel attacked, hurt, or insulted, then there's a problem which you need to acknowledge. Your significant other may not notice, and you need to tell them how you feel when things like that happen. Communication is key to a healthy relationship. You need to be able to talk to each other and maintain a high level of trust. Without trust and communication, a relationship is doomed to misery.

Next, I hate to break it to him, but you did not "[take] away" his depression. He might feel happier around you, but that's not how depression works. When you are with people you care about, be it friends or family, you tend to feel happier. Humans are social creatures. We need other people and social interactions to function well. The social bond formed between friends and family releases oxytocin. Oxytocin is called the "love hormone" for a reason; it's a special thing secreted by our brains which reinforces relationships and makes us feel happy. His brain is doing what it is supposed to do.

I'm going to be honest with you. It sounds like he has his own issues which he needs to sort out before he's ready to be in a relationship. I'm glad to hear that you're recognizing the fact that this is not good for either of you. I agree with your decision to end things. I think that this is the best choice for the both of you. As for trying not to hurt him, there is no way. Unless he has no feelings for you whatsoever, he will be hurt. Breakups suck, but sometimes they are simply necessary.

I think the best thing for you to do would be to talk it out. It would be optimal to do this in person so that there is no detachment in your conversation. Nevertheless, if you think it would be best to do in a phone call, then by all means do so. Explain your recent feelings to him, and let him know that you believe this is the best thing for you. Be sure to firmly and clearly state that the relationship is over, lest he think that you're just taking a break. It's not a break. You're done.

Long story short, there's no way to avoid the pain of a breakup. It doesn't feel good, but you lived, you learned, you loved, and now it is your chance to start a new chapter of life. I hope this helps, friend.

Stay strong,

The Advice Column Team