The Advice Column III

578

Advice Request
This person wants to leave their home.

Answered Submission
Hello,

I’m sorry to hear about your father and the past relationship you have had with your mother. I assume since you don’t want us to argue with you about it, you have made your mind up and are set on what you want to do. I assume you have thought about everything involved in leaving home? I assume you have a new place to stay that will take you on and provide for you? One thing that you will need to remember though is that you are still classed as a minor and your mum will still have that responsibility of you and could, if she wishes, carry out legal action if you leave home.

You also mentioned a sister, is she older or younger than you? If she is younger than you, consider what this will look like to her—her big sister moving out and leaving home whilst still being a minor. If she’s older than you, talk to her and seek some advice from her of what she thinks about it all.

Something I would suggest before you start to set these plans of leaving into motion is talking to your mum and expressing how you feel, how she made you feel and what you feel she has done —since you feel/seem mature enough to want to leave home for these reasons, then you must be mature enough to have a conversation with her about how you feel.

I’m not sure how to advise you in terms of telling her your plans without it causing a major fallout, because as your mother she cares about you and will not want to let you leave, and has a right to keep you at home until you are of a legal age to move out. So by telling her your plans, it is bound to cause a fallout. That being said, before you tell her anything, you need to have a full plan of where and who you will be staying with, how they plan on providing for you and looking after you. Will they pay for all of your needs or are you expecting your mother to pay for you still? If you plan on having contact with your mother and how frequently etc etc. As long as you have a thorough, detailed, foolproof plan and preparations for if things go wrong—because things will go wrong regardless of how well it seems to be going or how long for—then I think that talking to her as a mature teenager and explaining your plan will help ease the shock. Also, start to get a feel for how your mother feels about you moving out by dropping hints in conversations, and seeing what her reaction is. This might help indicate how she will react when you do tell her.

Also, regardless of if there is a fallout or not, do not lose contact with her, do not push her away. No matter how you feel about her, you might need her in the future and if you push her away or if you break contact with her, then you might lose her all together and I’m sure you don’t want that.

I hope this helps, and remember to make sure you have thought everything out before you do anything. Because the moment there is a flaw or gap in your plan, you mother is likely to shut it down before letting you finish.

Stay safe,
The Advice Column Team