The Advice Column III

597

Advice Request
This person has developed feelings for a close friend.

Answered Submission
Hello,

It’s normal for old feelings to resurface for a crush, and it isn’t dumb, especially since you are still friends with him, and have a close relationship and bond with him.

I think since you are starting to notice your feelings beginning to resurface for him, then maybe you should slow down with the “benefits” and just stick to being friends – nothing more, nothing less. It’s also perfectly normal to be thinking about and wondering if he has feelings for you. When we do have a crush on someone, it’s natural for us to want those feelings to be reciprocated by the other person. If you’re not sure whether he likes you as more than friends (or more than “friends with benefits”) or not, then I would suggest following your other friends’ advice and stopping what you have going on at the moment with him. As they said, there is a chance that you will get hurt.

Another thing you can do, because you do seem like close friends with him and you have clearly created a strong bond, is to simply talk to him. Ask him where his head is at and how he feels about you. Be honest with him about how you feel. Explain that you did once have feelings for him and that those feelings are starting to resurface. Make it clear as well that you don’t want to be carrying on with the “benefits” that you currently have, because it’s not helpful for your feelings if he doesn’t feel the same way. If he admits to liking you back, then take the relationship slow, because there’s a chance it will be and feel different to what you currently have. You would still have to slow down, and cut off the “stuff” that you do whilst you learn about each other as a partner rather than a friend, and whilst you find your feet in the new relationship. It might feel the same, but some aspects of your current friendship/relationship might feel different.

I hope this helps,

The Advice Column Team