The Advice Column III

469

Advice Request
This person wants advice on a breakup.

Answered Submission
Hello,

I'm sorry to hear about your relationship and how things came to play out.

I know your ex's recent behavior makes it seem like it's your fault, and it puts a lot of pressure on you. Here's the thing. Relationships are tricky. Teen romance novels, and even people in real life, make it seem as if loving is easy. Like if it's real, you don't have to put any effort into it. The truth is, love is hard. Loving people can be incredibly difficult at times, and both sides have to be willing to put effort into the relationship for there to be a chance of it working out in the end. I can tell you from personal experience that there are times when you want to pull your hair out, because they aren't listening, they're breaking promises, or they just don't get it. It's hard to be in a relationship, but ending it can feel even harder.

Sometimes, ending a relationship is necessary. Say it's toxic, or you don't really feel the same way, or the circumstances just make continuing virtually impossible. Does the necessity of it make it any less painful? No. Unfortunately, it doesn't. It's still going to hurt like a mother, and you're still going to feel like a jerk when you tell them it's over for good. That doesn't change the fact that it needs to happen. I can tell you, just from reading your submission to us, that you needed to break up with her. It wasn't healthy for either of you, and I can confidently say that you made the right decision.

As for her behavior as of recent, you have to understand that it is NOT YOUR FAULT. You did not compel her to start self-harming again. You did not force her to nearly overdose. Those were her choices, and her actions led to where she is now. She may be rationalizing her behavior on the grounds of the breakup, but that doesn't mean you had anything to do with it. You were just trying to look out for your best interests. If she was bringing you down with her, then you needed to get out of there. Friend, you did what you felt was best, and her actions afterward just served as proof that you made the right decision by breaking up with her.

I hope this helps. Stay strong,

The Advice Column Team