The Advice Column III

503

Advice Request
This person wants advice on whether they should move out from their home or not.

Answered Submission
Hello!

I'm sorry to hear about what you're going through. That is such a hard situation to deal with, so you surely must be one tough cookie.

Here's the thing: that house is no longer a safe place for you. It is a toxic environment that I wouldn't even go into with a hazmat suit. It is becoming a dangerous place for you, and I think you know that. If I were in your situation, I would be finding new housing. It's not an easy choice to make, and it would be a big change, but safety is more important than immediate comfortability.

As for the people you'd be leaving behind: they would much rather you be safe and happy than scared and miserable with them. Your friends and your boyfriend care about you. They want the best for you. Your counselor does as well. I'd take your counselor's opinion into account when you make this decision. If a credible person who cares about you thinks you need to leave, then it's probably important. Don't worry about your friends. They will miss you terribly, but they'll be happy that you're safe if you decide to stay with your friend who's out of state.

Next, your mom's boyfriend: the way he acts around you is creepy and entirely inappropriate. He is a potential danger for you, and if you don't feel safe around him, then that's a good sign that you should go, especially if he reminds you of your past abuser. If your mother won't listen to you—which it seems she hasn't been—then there's nothing more you can do for her. Her actions are going to have consequences that she will deal with. You need to focus on staying safe. 

This is going to be a very hard thing for you to do, but I believe that it is in your best interest to get out of that situation. If your mom gets upset, then sorry, that's her issue to deal with. She is a major factor in this problem and a major reason why you need to leave. If she and/or her boyfriend try to stop you from leaving, then pack your clothes and necessities and leave during the night when they're asleep. I'm sure you could stay at your boyfriend's or another friend's house for the night if you don't want to drive out of state in the dark or if you'll be flying.

I am so sorry that you have to go through this, friend, but I hope this helps.

Stay strong,

The Advice Column Team