The Advice Column III

548

Advice Request
This person is confused about what to do with their boyfriend's past.

Answered Submission
Hi there!

It seems to me that right now you are haunted by his past and are worried about it. The fact that you’re anxious about it makes me think that it would be good if you were to talk it out with him and ask him what you can do to be a better partner for him. Being in a relationship is a two-way thing. A relationship is not something where only one person puts in an effort to make it work. Both of you have to pull some weight to make it work. You don’t have to worry about whether you’re good enough alone all by yourself. It’s good to ask him whether you are good enough, and if he says you are perfect the way you are, it's good to not let the thought of you not being good enough stay in your mind as it might affect your relationship. Don’t obsess over it.

I know that you cannot help but think about his past as he wasn’t really the best guy out there from the way you described him. I would like to think that he has changed for the better now since he’s in a relationship with you. It would be best to not really obsess over it as no matter what you do, neither of you can change the past. If he’s already turned onto a new leaf, it would be unfair to judge him based on his past mistakes. Moreover, if he’s said that he has really regretted all the bad things that he has done and is really trying to become a better person and has treated you with nothing but respect, then those are good signs.

If you feel like you can’t put what the girl had said to you behind you, I suggest you try to focus on who he is now as a person and how he behaves currently. Don’t hold his past over him all the time. Focus on the now rather than on the past. Focus on how he treats you and other people around him.

I really hope this helps!

Love,

The Advice Column Team