The Advice Column III

504

Advice Request

The requestor is confused about her crush.

Answered Submission

Hello, 

Crushes aren't easy. If I've said it once, I've said it a hundred times. Does that mean they're complex things? Not at all. Crushes are no fun, but they are very simple and shallow in meaning. They are not based in deeply rooted feelings. I don't mean to sound harsh, but it is the truth. Having a crush does not make you shallow. Crushes just aren't very "meaningful." Crushes are called crushes because they are very easily ruined. One undesirable action, rude word, or general mishap can "crush" whatever feelings a person had for another. They are fragile feelings, budding from one being attracted to a person merely for their appearance or some part of their personality, but one negative altercation can break those feelings into nothing. 

I'm just going to go straight into it. You are looking at things way too closely. You're trying to over analyze, and it's causing you to get confused and worried about something that is almost cruelly simple.

Starting with bachelor #1. You said it yourself. You don't like him anymore. Not in the way you used to. If you're still trying to get his attention, it's probably because you don't have much else going on. You want to feel something, even if it's just a subconscious desire, because you miss the intrigue. What's more dramatic and television-esque than liking two guys at once and having to pick between the two? Don't worry, this isn't a negative reflection on you. Many girls do it when things get a little slow. We start to overthink things and end up playing games we don't always realize we're playing. Take a step back. Look at the big picture, not every microscopic little detail (trust me, I do it too). If you don't like him, then you don't have any reason to try to gain his attention as possibly more than a friend. 

As for bachelor #2, there is no real way for you to definitively know that, without a doubt, he likes you. There are some clues and hints that might be hidden in his body language and speech, but unless he outright says it, you can only guess. 

Here's the thing. You can't get yourself tied up with those little signals. People show affection and friendship differently, so when you think he's being flirty, it very well could just be friendly teasing. I wouldn't get hung up on it. 

Another thing. If you really like him and think that the risk is worth the reward—or if you just really want to know if he likes you—then talk to him about how you feel. If he doesn't like you, then you'll know. If he does, then you'll have a whole new situation on your hands. Whatever you decide, just make sure that you try your best not to overthink it, because it only causes problems. 

I hope this helped! 

Stay strong, 

The Advice Column Team