The Advice Column III

484

Advice Request
This person is scared about their future and thinks that they have been selfish lately.

Answered Submission
Hi,

That’s a pretty rough thing you’re going through.

For the birthday issue, I would suggest that you try being more open with your friends. Let them know how you feel. Tell them you want to celebrate your birthday on your day, and that if they’re busy on your friend’s birthday, you all can celebrate it on a day that is not yours. You could also celebrate them on the same day, if you would like to. Explain to them that you want your birthday to be your own special day. Tell them that you don’t have any other plans, or if you do, you’ll make time for them. If you get rejected, that’s too bad. Find another time when all of you are free. If you get accepted, then that’s great! At least open up and tell them.

Reading your request, I feel that you could benefit from having a more open mind. Build healthy relationships in which you and your friends are honest and open, and both of you are willing to say no and hear no from each other.

For all the general issues, I think you and your friend need to sit down and talk it out. If you score well, she, as a friend, should support and encourage you, not sing “burn in hell.” Do be a little more open, and tell her that you’ll try your best to be more aware, patient, and a little less sensitive. Also tell her that you hope she can be more sensitive to your feelings as well. Tell her all the things you don’t like, all the little implications and ‘I hate yous’. It may somehow make you seem even more sensitive and pathetic, but if if she really wants to be your friend, she will agree after realizing how this affects you.

Have a little more faith in yourself, and don’t be so quick to judge yourself. You are not your thoughts, you are ever-changing. Any definition you come up for yourself is subject to change. Don’t define yourself with mental illnesses. Define yourself with the actions you take everyday. Not only try, but do! Do your best to become who you want to be. Do try giving her a smile, being polite, nice, and helping her out. If she doesn’t do the same with you, it’s a relationship that you don’t need in your life.

Try donating a small amount of money to the poor people on the road, or to charities. Try helping out random people at school. Sometimes it just feels good to be good to others. Be nice to your parents and family, because they should actually matter more than friends. Be more open with your family. Be a great child, and study well for them. Don’t mind how your grades compare to others. You’re scoring well for yourself, not for your peers. Try paying attention to little things that make you happy, small gestures. Try mindfulness and meditation. As stupid or sophisticated as they may seem, they could actually help you out.

This may seem like something easier said than done, but above all, this is your life. All of your effort should go into being someone that you can respect. Small steps lead to big things. I hope everything works out well with your health, family, friends and education. Good luck!

Thank you,

The Advice Column Team