The Advice Column III

550

Advice Request

This person is unsure whether to rekindle a friendship with someone who was very unkind to them.

Answered Submission

Hello,

It seems you're in a bit of a tough situation. I'm going to be honest with you though. No, you should not try to re-kindle that friendship. If you choose to do so then I cannot stop you, but I highly advise against it.

Here's the thing. From the beginning of your request, it has been made clear that your ex-boyfriend has a tendency to make rash, emotional, stupid decisions. Chances are, even if you stopped him from making this one, he's going to make more, equally or more stupid decisions in the future. You're not always going to be there for him. He needs to learn to deal with the consequences of his actions.

Perhaps it's honorable of you to continue to help and care about him even after he hurt you. Honestly, I would not be friends with a person who cheated on me, and I certainly would not be friends with someone who told me that I was going to "die alone with no friends."

I understand completely why you feel the need to help him. Trust me, I do, but honey, this is not looking like a healthy relationship from an outsider's perspective. What does it look like from right inside it?

I believe it is in your best interest to terminate the friendship. He has no right to lash out at you like that and say such awful things. Whether you went about the situation the right way or not, you were trying to help in the best way you knew how. I can understand why he would be upset about it, but that still doesn't justify him reacting like that. So no, I don't think you need to apologize. If anything, he's the one that should be making apologies.

In the end, you need to take care of yourself just as much as you take care of other people. He hurt you. Many times. Forgive him, of course, but also remember that forgiveness is for you not the other person. There is a difference between forgiveness and second or third or fourth chances. I think it would be best for you if, from now on, you cared from a distance. If he has a problem with that, then he can deal with it and give you the apology he owes you.

I hope this helps, friend. I know this is painful, and letting people go is always hard, but it's ultimately up to you to determine if that's what's best for you.

Stay strong,

The Advice Column Team