Sebastian Stan Imagines

not an update

there's something you guys should know about me ;

i lost someone today , someone very important to me and it seems that no matter what i may never get over it ; i will never get over him . he was everything to me he was the love of my life , we were husband and wife for life - or so that's what i thought , but he left me like it truly nothing to him . he said he loved me that i was his one and only , that i was the one for him - i was the one he wanted to marry , have kids with and grow old with . the question i'm not asking myself though is , why was i not enough ? but i am asking why would he build me up like that and treat me so special and like a queen only to turn around and throw me away like dirt ? what sparks that in a man ? maybe it's god's way of getting me back , i mean it's not like i didn't quickly back out of relationships with a fear of commitment and start dating someone else , but this is cruel and unreasonable i fell deeply in love with him and he was absolutely everything to me and now it feels as if everything was taken from me , i feel as if i lose apart of myself . i fought so hard for me numerous times because no matter what i couldn't let him go even after he tried to leave me now 9 different times for petty reasons ; he cussed me , he controlled me , he treated me so poorly and at some point my brain thought that was love , i thought that was love . he told me i needed no one but him , no friends no nothing just him , he would take my phone and go through it , he belittled me , he cussed me and he made me feel awful about myself sometimes , he would cuss me saying i treated him like shit and that i needed to get my act together , but really he treated me like shit i never had a say in anything he always said 'i'm the man in this relationship i have the dick so you do what i say' and i grew to love this - or i thought i did truth be told i wanted to leave so bad but my heart it's broken it's hurt , i lost someone i truly thought i loved more than anything and i feel horrible and lost and broken but i know this has to be for the better but it hurts still ,, and i don't know how the hell i'm gonna go on with a broken heart . i had it glued in my head for three months that he was the one i was gonna marry and be with for life but suddenly that was all taken from me , my whole planned out future was taken from me and now i feel lost and confused and hurt because he promised he would never leave me and yet he's left like i was nothing but a name on a check list , like i was just another little white girl on his belt . my is shattered and i honestly feel like i've lost my whole world and i know you guys need to hear this because nobody has heard this , none of my family knew the full story , not even koko knew everything that had gone on . he had told me i had to suck his dick the second time he tried to break up with me so he would stay with me , he then proceeded to try and get pregnant so i tied to him and that choice wasn't mine he was going to get me pregnant and i had to deal with it . things with me and him were messy , ugly and horrible at times but i loved him and he could funny , sweet , caring and amazing but he also had his controlling rude side that he had to make sure i knew the rules and followed his rules and now i'm heart broken and sad but it's for the better , right ? i think so ..

thank you so much Tomhollandismyfeen15  you are such an amazing friend and stuck by me through all of this even when you didn't know all of it because i was too embarrassed to tell you , i love you so much boo bear you're the greatest friend i have ever had