They Will Go Down In History (Remus x OC) Book 2

Chapter 11

I don't think I had paid attention to how early we had met up for the meeting. Because as I arrived home with Remus I realized the sun had just awoken maybe an hour ago.

I stared at the window for awhile, it was nice to see the rose and red sky. I appreciated the small things alot more now.

I wasn't really paying attention to how long I had been looking out the window but apparently it had been long enough for Remus to make us some tea.

"you want to talk now?" Remus hesitated to ask,

I took the cup of tea from his hands as I begun to walk towards the couch, "sure,"

He didn't seemed to pleased but he joined me none the less, "I overreacted last night," he started by saying,

"I don't think you did," I replied to his surprise, "had you said something similar I would have reacted the same,"

"than if you know how it feels why are you doing this to me?"

"because this is far beyond just us,"

"what do you mean?" he stared at me,

"I mean that we can't just think about ourselves anymore, we're doing this to help others, others that can't defend themselves,"

"this has to do with Dumbledore showing you your family doesn't it?"

"no," I lied,

"Don't do that, just say the truth,"

"I can't stop thinking about them," I sighed, "they're muggles, my mother and sister or half sister, they don't know what's going on,"

"and your father," he asked,

I looked at him confused, "what about him?"

"don't you find it wierd that Dumbledore took so much interest in him,"

"a little but I didn't question it,"

"maybe you should,"

"why, what are you implying,"

He put down his cup on tea on the coffee table, "nothing just be careful with Dumbledore, you know how he is,"

"I know, but this conversation was about us to begin with Remus, don't try and avoid it,"

"I'm not," he huffed, "why do you keep saying that?"

"because it's true! Everytime I try and talk with you about something you run off, make excuses, avoid it, you've been doing this since we joined the order and it's just gradually getting worse,"

"I don't do it on purpose," he mumbled, "I just get nervous and scared,"

"what? But I don't necessarily want to talk about the war or the plans Remus,"

"I know, you want to talk about us, which is harder,"

"harder? We used to do it without a single problem before,"

"yeah before exactly, before I had this consistent fear of losing you or you losing me,"

I placed my cup next to his on the table as I realized this conversation was getting serious,
"what do you mean by this fear?"

"come on Viel, I play dumb but you know I'm not, I know you're worried about me, I know you see my anxiety attacks and my insomnia I know you give me calming potions and relaxing potions, I know you try real hard to help and in exchange I can't even be intimate with you, " he sighed as tears begun to fill his eyes," I'm seriously the worse, "

" Woah Woah, calm down! What is this about being intimate? "

"Viel, I've heard lily talk about it with James, how you really wish we could well you know and even though I'm aware of it I just, I can't,"

"and? So what it doesn't matter? If you can't or don't want to we won't,"

"I do Viel! I do what to, but my fears keep getting in the way, this stupid war has broken me,"

"enough! Stop being so harsh on yourself Remus, it's alright to scared and to have fears especially in a time like this. Stop putting yourself down, your fears are valid and that doesn't mean you're broken, it means you're human,"

"but my fears are getting in between us now and I'm worried,"

"worried about what? That I'll leave you? cause that's not happening, not over your fears, I don't care how difficult you think you are or how hard I work to care for you. To me it's the best thing in the world to be by your side and I'm not giving that up for anything, "

" that's what worries me, "

I frowned," what does, "

"This attachment, this love that you have for me! I'm worried of what will happen to you if I die, "

"The same thing that would happen to you if I died, I'd mourn you, I'd cry, I'd be heartbroken,"

"exactly, that's why I can't bring myself to be intimate with you because I'm worried if we do, that that pain would just be worse,"

"Remus, whether we sleep together or not there will be pain if either of us dies. I can't promise not to cry and I can't promise you that I won't be heartbroken if you die. But I can promise you that I'll move on, if you do die, I'll continue to fight, I'll continue to be strong, I'll continue to live on, and I hope you can promise me the same,"

He looked at me with his beautiful green eyes as if I had cured his pain, "I can," he whispered,

"good, than we've agreed apon something," I stood up from the couch and kissed his forehead, "I love you," I whispered,

"I love you too honey," He answered,

"now try to stop worrying so much,"