They Will Go Down In History (Remus x OC) Book 2

Chapter 18

"rather close with Siruis since you've started Occlumency with him,"

"Remus please," I lowered myself to the floor picking up the pieces of parchment, I decided to keep them, maybe one day Siruis would want his brothers last words back, "the poor man just lost his brother,"

"yes I know, I feel really bad for him but I can't help but think about the fact that he hugged you!"

"Remus please," I could tell this wasn't going to end well,

"No you don't get it, Siruis never hugs anyone, ever! He hates it, for a matter of fact he hates being touched!"

"I know!"

"than explain to me what happened! Because I'm sorry Viel but I can't help but be a bit jealous when something like that happens,"

I didn't know where to start or how to even explain it, cause in the end I didn't have the answer myself, "I don't know Remus! All I know is that after he saw the memory of my brother he was really disturbed and he let me hug him,"

"Why would he be disturb by your memories," Remus scoffed,

"BECAUSE! He was visualizing you!"

Remus's eyes shot open, than he frowned, "he shouldn't have,"

"Well surprise Remus he cares about you, just like how I love you! So it isn't because Siruis feels close enough to me to give me a hug that it means I'm cheating on you!"

"I know, I didn't say that,"

"than what we're you implying?"

"I don't know! Okay! I was jealous! I get easily jealous because I feel like anyone would be better for you than me!"

"Remus, stop that's not true and even if it were I don't want the best, I want you,"

I could tell that Remus felt uncomfortable and embarrassed of his attitude, "Remus, you know that Siruis is just helping me, it's not a privilege, besides if you want to be the one doing Occlumency with me just say so,"

"I don't, I feel like that's invading to much of your privacy,"

I sat down at the table and place my hands in his, "that's fine, but just know there shouldn't be secrets between us, if you want to know something just ask and I'll answer, and I hope you would let me do the same,"

"of course," his voice wasn't filled with as much confidence as I had hoped for, than again I knew for a fact that he wasn't telling me everything, he still kept secrets.

I wasn't mad or upset that he did, funny enough I felt disappointement but not in him, in myself. I was disappointed in myself that to this day he still didn't feel safe enough sharing these secrets with me. I couldn't help but feel like I was the reason, because I couldn't understand why else he wouldn't tell me.

"he's always be like that," I remember Siruis telling me, but why, what started it? Surely enough he didn't think he couldn't open up all because of his condition?

Sometimes I felt excluded, I knew that it was only my insecurities but I couldn't help it. I felt like I was added to a group that didn't really need me, the 5 of them had know each other years before I did.

They were all gryffindors, all grew up at hogwarts, always knew each other, understood each other, hanged out with each other.

I knew that new comer's in friend groups were normal, but I didn't feel really normal in anything ever really.

I didn't talk about how I felt because I thought it was me just being stupid.