They Will Go Down In History (Remus x OC) Book 2

Chapter 67

"stargazing again?" Siruis yawned as he opened the door to the guest room of his small city apartment,

"I guess," I shrugged as I sat next to the open window, in reality I was gazing into the abyss of nothingness,

"it's late, shouldn't you be heading to bed?" he rubbed his eyes as he walked in,

"maybe,"

"Hey,"

"ouch!" I hissed at the contact of his hand on my shoulder,

"Sorry," he seemed troubled, "can I sit?" he gestured at the window sill I was sitting on, so I nodded in reponse, welcoming him to join me without saying a word. "Are you okay?" he asked,

Such a simple question with such Deceitful answers. When did anyone ever answer this question honestly and when they did, did the person who asked even listen?

I'm fine, I'm alright, I'm getting by, so many variations of a terrible lie. When in reality nearly never was a person actually fine. Because if you were being asked the question to begin with, it was that you were giving reason for it to be asked.

Are you okay?
I'm fine.

The person asking the question doesn't insist most of the time. Is it because they believe the person? Or they're afraid of irritating the person? Or maybe, it's because they fear the truth.

Are you okay?
No I'm not. Slowly I feel myself disappearing. The thing is, I'm slowly forgetting what once made me, me. The days feel like they're on repeat, I get up, I eat, I put on a nice smile for strangers, I work, I sleep and I hit repeat. The things that once made me happy now make me feeling nothing, it almost feels more like a task than a hobby. Slowly, memories erase themselves as I forget what happiness feels like. Memories filled with joy and life fade as my hope follows not far behind. The thing is as everything slowly fades I start to believe that all I've ever felt is this emptiness and that this is all I'll ever feel.

There's the truth. An answer with no deceit, but no person who asks expects to hear this. Are you okay, is a question built on the lies of people too hypocrital to admit who they really are. 'Are you okay' is society's new 'Hello' when you see someone you say : "hi, how are you?" but you don't expect to hear how they are, you expect a short simple answer. Anything longer than a sentence is looked down upon as you are labeled as an "over-sharer".

I chuckled around my breath, "how am I?" I looked away from the window, "how am I?"

"yes," his voice seemed a little unsure, as his eyebrows frowned a little deeper. Maybe he regreted asking the question.

"What do you want to hear?"

"what?" he mumbled, "what is that supposed to mean?"

"There is no hidden meaning, you want to actually hear how I'm doing or you want me to comfort you, reassure you with a sweet deceitful lie?"

"Viel of course I want the truth, to be honest you don't really need to tell me, I already know you're not well. So," he sighed as he shifted on the window sill, "let me be honest with you, I'm worried and I want to help but I suck at this. I was never the serious one iconically. I always use sarcasme as a way to cope with things  which makes me a pretty shitty person to be around when you're unwell, but I want to help, I just don't know how. I wish I could do more for you Viel, I wish I was like Lilly, so you wouldn't have to deal with this on your own," he smiled a sad smile before getting off of the window sill,

" Siruis, " I whispered,

"it's fine," words filled with deceit, "actually it's not," he corrected, "I'm extremely upset at how incompetent I am when it comes to this but that's not your problem to worry about or your role to try and reassure me. I shared this with you in hopes for you to understand that we don't need to be deceitful with one and other. You don't have to pretend to be okay around me, we can defile society's rules of hypocritisy together Viel, "

"Really ? You'd actually listen to the bitter truth? "

"as long as it's the truth no matter how bitter it is, I'll listen to anything you have to say Viel,"