Angst

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Alone...

Two partners yet alone...

A bestfriend that was there more...

It wasnt their fault, it was his. It was all his fault.

He had ruined ones life, making it impossible for them to see eachother, talk to eachother.

And the other was upset and not responding ever. He didnt know why.

Why was he doing this...did he mean nothing? Was he supposed to sit and take the behavior that made him so sad and angry? Was he supposed to continuously cry to his bestfriend, in fear of what his partners would do if he told them how he felt?

He only told them because of his vulnerable state, finally feeling safe. And it ruined everything. It broke his world apart...now they were all fighting...he didnt even get for tell his boyfriend when he was last over what had happened.

Now he laid, not wanting to eat or drink, forgetting his meds, and doing nothing but watch shows and cry in the middle of the night. He just wanted to be held. Have them both wrap him up in their arms, kiss him and tell him it was all ok. He knew they couldnt be there 24/7.

But why was he doing this? Why was he breaking him like this. Did he find it funny? Or did he not know he sat crying all night because he wanted the messages from him, a 'hey', an 'I love you' or something, anything. He needed it.

But he knew it wouldnt happen, at least not soon. And if that were the case...maybe it was for the best.

He hated he thought like that....he loved him, he loved him so much. He really did.

He sat reading over lod messages. From when they were just friends. It was cute and sweet. They got along so well so quickly and it was nice. And it was amazing for so long, being a couple.

But now...was that all gone? Was it all destroyed? Because of his stupid stupid feelings and emotions?

He sighed and hugged his pillow, closing his eyes. He wasnt going to sleep, just needed to breathe and fight off tears.

He looked at the messages again...was he too clingy? Was he annoying? Had he pushed him away because of it? Probably, he thought. It would make sense. But he decided to just relax. And soon he fell asleep, dreaming of nothing.

Goodnight, love you all so much

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