Sanders Sides oneshot book (pt2)(Requests CLOSED)

Vent Chapter- Virgil angst

Suicidal thoughts
Self harm
Sexual abuse mention
Mental and emotional abuse mention
Selfhate

One good day. That was all he needed. One good day.

He hadn't had one in forever. First his parents divorced, then a series of manipulation, guilt trips, mental and emotional abuse. Then sexual abuse joined the picture.

Non stop want to end his life. Self harm, selfhate, endless want to just run away and leave everything behind.

Then he got a boyfriend. He thought maybe it would get better. And it did. He went 4 months without any self harm or suicidal thoughts. But after a bit, it started getting bad again. He started self harming again but couldnt tell his boyfriend.

And suddenly, he was apart of a poly relationship. He was happy again. He was really happy. He loved them both so much, and he knew they loved him. But he couldnt help question or doubt that love. Sometimes he felt like they were forcing themselves to love him.

But the times they proved they loved him made him so happy but he just couldnt. He couldn't see them anymore. He wasnt allowed. The secret relationship was killing him. He couldnt tell his mom that he loved two people. When he had tried telling her, she completely denied him. Told him that sort of relationship would never work and that he wasnt poly.

So he just shut up about it. He couldnt tell her he had two boyfriends now. So they were both just friends, as far as she knew. She knew he was dating one. But the other was only a friend.

After awhile, he started having worse suicidal thoughts. Urges to hurt himself badly. He wanted to just end it. But he didnt want his mom or boyfriends to be sad.

So he couldnt. But stress and anxiety was getting to him. He started crying himself to sleep every night, staying up late.

Panic attacks got worse, thoughts urges and wants were getting worse. The consent feeling of being a bother was worse then ever. He started punishing himself for doing certain things he needed to stop and get out of the habit of.

He felt like he was being too much all the time. Like he was too needy and clingy. He needed to stop. But he couldnt. He loved them so much and just wanted their attention at all times. So you can imagine when he felt ignored or like a bother it really hurt him.

How was he supposed to stop habits that no one had ever told him were bad? So he got a system that would stop it.

He was just done. He couldnt do it anymore. He couldnt take it. He wanted to run away. He wanted to run and never stop until he was far far away. Stay hidden and just let himself die in the forest.

But if he did, he'd never have the future and family he wanted and dreamed of. He'd be ruining everyone else's plans.

He stayed for them. He stayed to avoid hurting anyone. He didnt stay for himself. He had given up on being happy. He had given up on his future and life. He stayed to avoid hurting anyone else and to avoid making someone else sad. He didnt want people missing him, even though he doubted many would. Maybe one or two.

But he didnt want to upset those two people. So he stayed. Hating almost every second he stayed as he continued feeling like he was hated and unwanted everywhere he went.

"Hey Virg? You ready to go? Virg? Oh...oh god...Virgil!"

Have a wonderful day/night, love you all so much