analogicality (vent chapter)

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Vent chapter
Not so happy things
Mention of suicidal thoughts

Virgil was caught in the middle. Of a happy welcoming Patton and a jealous Logan. Logan said he was ok with the relationship, but he got very jealous whenever Patton and Virgil cuddled or anything. Virgil tried to ignore it, but things only got worse.

After awhile, Logan became distant. Virgil was convinced it was his fault. But he loved them both so much, he couldnt just leave one... Logan was his first boyfriend, highschool crush that turned into a boyfriend. The first guy the anxious boy had ever confessed to.

But Virgil kept getting the feeling that Logan didnt actually like him. That he was just using him.

But at least Patton was there...

Virgil sat on the floor, watching Logan talk and laugh with his friends, ignoring him completely. Not even bothering to ask if he were ok when he was crying. Patton didnt go to their school.

Virgil feared he'd done something. Had he already messed up this relationship? Had the idea of having a third person scared Logan off?

Virgil sat in the back of the class, crying while texting Patton. He wanted to go home. Hug Patton, hope the other boy wouldnt let him go. He wanted to hug Logan and ask if everything were ok.

But Logan didnt want anyone at their school knowing they were together. They were 'just friends'

Heh...friends don't treat eachother lile this, right? They don't ignore you. Treat you like you don't belong. Leave you alone when they know of all the horrible thoughts you have. Even after they promised not to leave you alone. That isnt a friend...

A friend doesnt abandon you, a friend doesn't just dissapear. A friend doesnt hear about your suicidal thoughts and tell you not to but make no effort to stop anything bad from happening.

But that was the reality.

Virgil watched Logan walk around, having fun with his friends. Not seeming to care if one of them was someone Virgil hated so much and refused to be around after what they did. Virgil wasnt going to be around Janus, not after what he did to Roman. Not after what he did to Virgil.

But Logan was friends with him, so if Virgil wanted to be with him, he'd have to be with Janus as well. But Janus had hit him, yelled at him for doing the things that helped his anxiety. Made him feel like a unloved mistake

I'm fine...

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