Sanders Sides oneshot book (pt2)(Requests CLOSED)

Clearing it up/small vent

Some things may have been misunderstood today

I wasnt seeking attention or fishing for compliments. I mean...maybe I was deep down? But really, I needed a reason to not end it. Today hasnt been a good day and I just really needed some confidence. My girlfriend was out of town and driving home, so she didnt have wifi so she couldnt talk to me and help me calm down, and I already felt bad for venting so much to my bestfriend. You guys are always there to hype me up, tell me to keep my head up and that's everything going to be ok!
I just...I needed that. I really needed to feel good about myself, even for a minute.

But it immediately got ruined because I was told I was fishing for compliments but that wasnt at all my intention! I hate being the center of attention, and when I am, it freaks me out. I hate putting myself in the spotlight

I just needed to feel good, like I wasnt a disgusting ugly freak, and you guys made me feel so happy with all the compliments right away. I ended up deleting it because I didnt want anyone else thinking I was a spoiled attention seeking brat

And when I posted that no one messes with me because of my bestfriend, I wasnt saying I'm a weak ass loser who can't fight their own battles, I was saying that no one messes with me because they know my bestfriend will kick their ass

Whenever I stand up for myself, I get yelled at. And I hate being yelled at. So I never stand up for myself and rarely defend what I believe because I hate confrontation

But I do stand up for my friends. I told my bestfriend that of her boyfriend hurt her, i would chop off his dick. I mean...I wouldn't actually of course. But I will stand by her side and help her out. I just can't do the same for myself because I care way way WAY more about my friends then myself.

I'm sorry if I seem spoiled, bratty, attention seeking. I promise I'm not like that, at least not on purpose.

But my girlfriend is back now, I hung out with her this evening and she held me when something happened and I started crying.

Maybe I am weak, maybe I do need the be hyped up. But that's because of sbit I've gone through. I know others have had worse, others have it way worse. So I try not to vent or complain.

But I just did...

I know i can be selfish and a total jerk. I know I'm an asshole sometimes. But I try my best not to be. I don't want to be like that, because I've been friends with those kinds of people and I've always been the one to get hurt by them.

I'm sorry I'm like this, I'll be better